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people are picky about partners; others are picky about food. Me, I’m
picky about who I live with. OK, so you can be lucky and strike gold,
landing someone who pays bills on time, cooks a cannelloni to die for
and is pals with the hippest folk on the block. However, should you get
dished a dud, don’t despair: there are ways to handle your
1. THE STERILE
In London, I lived
with a girl who would get a murderous look in her eye if a dirty teacup
was left in the sink. We all feared the worst when she was assigned to
bathroom duties as every bottle of shampoo, body wash or lotion in sight
would be sent flying out of the bathroom door like a heat-seeking
missile. Later, we’d go and rescue our toiletries from whence they lay
– or worse, fish them out of the trash and put them back on the shelf.
Finally it was decided that
the Sterile Hygienist had to be confronted. I drew the short straw.
Having long worked with fear tactics, she proved impervious to my logic
and reason. Left with no other choice, I told her bluntly to stop
terrorizing everyone, or she’d be out. The bully backed off, and we
never had to fish our toiletries out of the trash again.
How to spot them:
It’s hard to miss their constant mutter about clutter, or the sudden
Clean Sweep Missions on which they frequently embark.
How to fix them:
Most SH’s are bullies, so standing up to them is the key. Face issues
head on and don’t waver – stand your ground.
2. THE SLOB
Unable to see the
point of washing dishes, the Slob with whom I had the misfortune to live
several years ago used paper plates instead. A sweet, sweaty smell
lingered around his person, and his jeans were almost damp they were so
grimy. He would shower once every two days if we were lucky, but never
used soap, even when we placed enticingly new bars in the shower and
near the bathtub. This meant he never quite smelled clean. He was a
lovely guy, but we weren’t sad to see him go when he decided to pack
his possessions in his backpack and take off to see the world. If
anything, we were glad to see an end to those piles of paper plates…
How to spot them: Sadly,
the Slob has yet to learn about the benefits of water and has many
antisocial habits. These include disposing of the contents of his/her
nose onto the sofa, turning his/her underwear inside out for a few days’
extra wear, or forgetting to flush the toilet.
roommates from hell
lounge . nourish .
. laze . home.