When you get out of the recliner, put the footrest down.

Quit leaving used papertowels, the plastic thingy off the milk jug/OJ, and coffee grounds on the counter. They belong in the trash.

What do I hate: leaving onion wrappers, 1/2 tomatoes, cheese, butter, mayo etc. out on the counter after he's done making a sammidge (sandwich for us pretend yokels). Or, putting the mayo back in the fridge without closing the top all the way. Hello, do you know how hard it is not to drop the damn thing when the lid is sliding around?

Stop arguing with every little thing I say. The sky is blue, I'll say. No, you'll reply, the sky is actually bluish-gray.

I know the dog has a nasty habit of jumping on your testicles. I know that must hurt. However, it hurts me to have to hear you scream, "AAAAAAAAHHHH! MY GODDAMN BALLS!!" every. single. morning.

It would be awesome if you could clean something, anything, without me nagging and henpecking for several days beforehand. I don't WANT to nag and henpeck; I just want the house to be clean. Asking you nicely doesn't seem to work. Also, if you drink a beverage? Throw the empty can/bottle away before you get a new one. This prevents the house from becoming an ocean of empty cans and bottles, see? The trash can is right next to the fridge. It's no extra work for you. You're getting up and heading in that direction anyway.

If I'm mad at you for something, please don't characterize me as "grumpy" and then proceed to sing a little song about how I'm a grumpy grumpalupicus. I'm mad because of something you did, or didn't do, not because I'm an innately bitchy person.

It would be nice if you would show more affection for me in public. It would be nice if you treated me like a princess in public. But mostly, I would prefer it if you didn't try to argue with me in public.

I wish you wouldn't be such an a-hole to people who have different opinions from you, or people who don't know as much as you. Like, the other night? When our friend innocently wondered if guns had to be registered in this state? You laughed your ass of at her in the most a-holish way possible: "Register my guns? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! This state is still FREE, honey! HA HA HA HA HA HA!" I was ashamed at how mean you were about it, and how you didn't care if you alienated her or hurt her feelings. Ashamed. All you had to say was "no." You went out of your way to make her feel ignorant and silly. Not cool.

Hmmmm. I love a lot about the Boy, but I guess I have some issues, too.

I know you like the color green. But wearing a green shirt and green pants, and then putting on your green coat? That's too much. I only let you leave the house that way because I don't want to be a harpy, since I told you yesterday that you shouldn't wear all your blue clothes at once.

There is a bag for cans and bottles on the back of the basement door. Putting them near the trash can is just an extra step to getting them into the recycles bag, which is 2 steps away. Honest.

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Originally posted by meggo:
I hate it that you act like a two year old when you don't want to do something. I'm tired of trying to act like a buffer between you and the normal world.
Were you raised in a barn?

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When you have an issue with the bank, you can call them yourself, honest. They actually are much more cooperative when the person calling to inquire about an account is actually named on the account.
I don't know how much money you have in your account & I don't know why money was taken out yesterday. Maybe you should look at your balance instead of throwing a hissy fit & expecting me to find out and inform you.

Please be considerate of the fact that I hate prejudices and could live a long, fight-minimal life with you if you would just watch what you said around me. I know you're "entitled" to your opinion and are a product of your environment and talk like a lot of other people I know who grew up in this city, and aren't REALLY as prejudice as you sound since you have friends that are [insert minority group here] but few, if any behaviors are dictated by someone's ethnic/sexual/etc. persuasion. I know "you've got to be you" but when I met you, you hid that side of you at first. And, at times since it's come out, you've made an effort to be considerate but at other times you flaunt it. And, I know it's just my "opinion" against yours and neither is necessarily correct since it's all subjective, but morally mine is right and you know it.

That's the biggest issue we have. The others are nit-picky things.

How 'bout washing a dish?

Don't complain if I put your not dirty clothes in the hamper. If it's on the floor, that's where it's going.

Just get up. I don't want to get up in the morning either, but really, the chorus of I don't wannas and It's cooooooooooooold is not necessary every single day.

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Originally posted by greschya:
I know you like the color green. But wearing a green shirt and green pants, and then putting on your green coat? That's too much. I only let you leave the house that way because I don't want to be a harpy, since I told you yesterday that you shouldn't wear all your blue clothes at once.

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On that note - remember yesterday when I told you that yes, that blue button down goes with those khakis? Funny thing - the blue button down you picked today ALSO GOES with the clean pair of khakis you chose. Pick a blue button down, pick some khakis - THEY ALL GO TOGETHER. No need to ask every time!

And this just made me laugh:

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They are Sea Monkeys. Not children.

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Could you please pour your remaining tea/coffee/water/juice down the drain after you have finished drinking for the morning? I know that you HATE to waste anything, but the two gulps of coffee left in the bottom of that mug are not going to be drunk and further more, they're going to stain the mug if you leave it on the counter for the next week.

Do not leave wooden things (like spoons, spatulas) in standing water for days. Just because you are soaking the pot does not mean that you need to leave the spoon in there too.

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Originally posted by quarkiegirl:
please don't lay on the couch to watch tv, curl up under the blanket, take off your socks with your feet, and then leave them there when you get up from the couch. i don't want to sit with your dirty socks. that's gross.

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quote:

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Originally posted by greschya:

I know you like the color green. But wearing a green shirt and green pants, and then putting on your green coat? That's too much. I only let you leave the house that way because I don't want to be a harpy, since I told you yesterday that you shouldn't wear all your blue clothes at once.

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quote:

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Originally posted by greschya:
Heh.

I know you like the color green. But wearing a green shirt and green pants, and then putting on your green coat? That's too much. I only let you leave the house that way because I don't want to be a harpy, since I told you yesterday that you shouldn't wear all your blue clothes at once.

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Count yourself lucky. Mine has this weird theory that you shouldn't wear two blue items or two green items together. So instead of wearing his purplish blue t-shirt, or his light blue shirt with his navy pants, he wears them with his brownish green khakis. And white socks, obviously.

Honey, if you ask me if those two colors go together, don't dismiss my opinion afterwards and call your mom about it. I'm the one with some kind of color sense in this couple; and yet I'm kind enough not to offer unrequested advice. But if you ask, could you please trust my answer?

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Originally posted by darlin':

When you put food in the disposal, please run it... immediately... it took me a week last time to figure out where the smell was coming from.

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yesterdays outfit: dark green pants, dark but different green t-shirt, electric blue corduroy button down, orange sweater, white socks and brown shoes. did I mention that he's a redhead?

he also owns a gold lame shirt from college, which he thinks is appropriate bar-wear. I draw the line at gold lame -- there's no way I'm going to appear in public with a man wearing gold lame (unless maybe it was vegas and elvis was the gold lame wearer)

Could you maybe use an ashtray, instead of flicking ashes out the oven fan? (We have one in the wall next to the oven that goes directly outside). I'm thrilled to pieces that you chose to smoke only there to minimize the smell of smoke, but all of the ashes don't go outside; they land on the previously clean stove.

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Originally posted by quarkiegirl:
the addition of a hawaiian shirt does not a dressy outfit make.

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What is it with them!? Hubby thinks an ugly shirt (his name for the hawaiian shirt) is a very dressy thing! And every single one of his shirts has some kind of brand name on it. A bar, a brand of boat, a company etc. So he thinks these are perfectly fine attire to wear to, say, Christmas dinner.
Um - no. Don't tell me that long sleeve white tshirt is your "good" tshirt only because it doesn't have stains and because you love the brand of boat. You are not wearing that to a family function. Not gonna happen. Stop asking.

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Originally posted by quarkiegirl:
the addition of a hawaiian shirt does not a dressy outfit make.

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No, honey, you cannot buy a new car every single year. Yes, yes, I know some of them are used cars, but they are new to me. I know that you told me that taking care of a 17 year old BMW 3 series was easy, but you told a friend of mine yesterday that taking care of a 12 year old BMW 3 series was hard.

Yes, you are a good driver. In fact, you are a great driver, racing school-trained and everything. But this does not make the 99.9999999% rest of the population bad drivers. So please stop whining when someone in front of you is extra cautious in merging into your lane. She is going slowly to make sure that she does not crash into you. I know this makes you wait an additional .000045 seconds, and I apologize on behalf of the rest of the population for the inconvenience.

So now he makes me go & check it out. He usually does this when we're running late for something & I'm in the middle of getting dressed.

See that cabinet door, directly under the spot on the counter where you just put the garbage from your chinese take-out?

There's a garbage can in there. Imagine that, a garbage can, directly under where you like to put your garbage.

You don't have the best relationship track record with me and my family is wary of you b/c of it. You were on a really good streak and then had to go pick a stupid fight with me when my brother was over, which makes me look like I'm lying.

Face it; you're a TV hog. I rarely complain or ask to see things. So don't go hide in the bedroom if you finally succumb to allowing me a half hour of TV you don't feel like watching. I sit with you while you watch stupid things like the horse-racing channel, don't I? And don't turn the fact that I mention you have a problem sharing the TV into a relationship commentary. I KNOW you share lots of other things in your life with me. But when I ask to see the last 15 minutes of a show before what you want to watch, and you deliberately skim past it even though you're complaining there's nothing on and pretending not to hear me that's just being mean for the sake of being mean.

And ummm... if I beaned you with a pretzel nugget as a result (in a joking manner of course) don't go off and sulk and make a huge issue of it. Aren't you the one who's always telling me to stop taking things so seriously?? I'd never hear the end of it if I sulked over the same thing.

And then - then tell me that the reason you put the bowls on the top of the cupboards (where there are no other bowls) is there is no room in the cupboards - cuz we have too much stuff in them. Noooo - A few bowls, some pots & pans - that's not too much stuff - how about poorly designed cupboards? And then tell me that everything is in the front two inches of our cupboards. Yes - well, again, that goes back to the poor cupboard design that has a person crawling in the cupboard to get to the back. Not really my fault.
And I'm sorry you think we have too much stuff (now that we have a set or two of bowls, more than one pot, more than one ratty old pan & enough silverware).

quote:

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Originally posted by SmallBladder:

No, honey, you cannot buy a new car every single year. Yes, yes, I know some of them are used cars, but they are new to me.

Yes, you are a good driver. In fact, you are a great driver, racing school-trained and everything. But this does not make the 99.9999999% rest of the population bad drivers. So please stop whining when someone in front of you is extra cautious in merging into your lane. She is going slowly to make sure that she does not crash into you. I know this makes you wait an additional .000045 seconds, and I apologize on behalf of the rest of the population for the inconvenience.

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I could have written that, verbatim, but insert "think-you-are" in front of "racing school-trained". And add - Stop yelling at every driver that's not you. AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, in a tone I would only reserve for someone that kicked my cat or smacked my grandma or something.

Also: You hardly ever cook. We eat separately a lot of the time, so not a HUGE issue, but if someone's cooking for both of us, it's probably me. So, when you volunteer to cook (or I'm hungry and tired and I ask you to please do it) it would be nice if you could just DO it and not call me into the kitchen every 3.5 seconds to ask me a stupid question until finally I get so annoyed that I do it myself. If you don't know where something is, LOOK for it before you ask me to come show you. I mean REEEALLY stupid questions, we're not talking about 3-course gourmet meals - we're talking about a box of store-brand mac & cheese. You act like you're so freaking helpless in the kitchen and you don't know how to do anything because no one taught you. Um, who do you think taught me how to make a box of mac & cheese? I READ THE FREAKING BOX. You are a very intelligent boy, I'm sure you can follow simple instructions.

Now, because I feel like I must illustrate the stupidity of these questions (asked by an otherwise remarkably intelligent and otherwise capable MAN), I will attempt to recount as closely as possible this phone conversation that took place when boy CALLED ME AT WORK to ask e how to make iced tea FROM MIX.

Me: Thank you for calling XXXXXX, may I help you?

Boy: I'm trying to make the iced tea, but it says to put in 2/3 cup, and I don't know how many scoops that is.

Me: What????

Boy: [repeats question]

Me: I don't understand what you're asking me - it says 2/3 cup, so put in 2/3 cup.

Boy: I KNOW that, but I don't know how many scoops that is!!!

Me: [noticing a customer waiting] I have to go. I have a customer.

Boy: [getting angry and frustrated - at me- repeats some form of same question, again, ranting in between, as if there's some secret trick to it that I'm not telling him.

Me: [getting really pissed now, as customer has walked away] SO DON'T USE THE SCOOP. Go get a measuring cup, fill it with mix until it says TWO THIRDS OF A CUP, and PUT IT IN.

Boy: [sounding very angry now] DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M STUPID!!!!!!

Me: *exasperated sigh* *click*

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Originally posted by Merimoo:
I had a screaming fight with my ex last week at the grocery store because he demanded that I explain why the 4-pack of tuna was more expensive per can than the (on sale for 99 cents) single cans. Um, yeah.

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I'm sure that was really frustrating for you, Merimoo, but it totally made me laugh out loud. What a weirdo!