quote:

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Originally posted by bekkaboo:

Also, the can does not grow a trashbag after you empty it. You have to GET the bag and put it in there.

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quote:

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Originally posted by bekkaboo:
Also, the can does not grow a trashbag after you empty it. You have to GET the bag and put it in there. The trashcan in our room has been empty, sans bag, for over a week now, because I'm waiting for you to figure this one out, but apparently you get around it by just not using that one.

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I've got a similar one that drives me NUTS: my boy will use plastic grocery bags in the kitchen garbage instead of the bags that are perfectly formed (and purchased) for this specific purpose. The real kicker: they are in the EXACT SAME CUPBOARD, they're just a little further in!! The grocery bags do NOT stay hooked in place, hon, and therefore I have to soak and disinfect the garbage every time you change it, because it gets full of coffee grounds, rotten food and fruit flies. I don't know how many times I have to remind you, boy.... Maybe I should staple the correct bags to your head?

My beef today - dear boy-o. One of the perks of living with your girl-o is that I get to cuddle with you in bed at night. This means we have to go to bed at roughly the same time.

By the way--taking the trash out means walking it all the way to the shed. Yup, all 10 steps. Sitting it outside the backdoor doesn't count, or especially inside the backdoor. No way.

You know what would be nice? If, instead of coming home and parking it in front of the computer to play Mankind, you would park it on the couch with me. Or do something with me. I did make you dinner, it would kill you to jump in help clean up the kitchen or watch TV with me. Don't tell me "there's nothing good on." You watch anything, normally.

Does the litterbox really stink? Do you have two hands? Know where the litter is? Check, check, and check. You're capable as well. Remember, down the road when I'm pregnant, you're going to have to do it anyway. Better start practicing.

We're going to stop smoking in the house when the weather warms up, mmkay? But in the meantime, how do you get ashes EVERYWHERE? I can smoke just fine at the computer without covering everything in them. Aim for that round thing with butts in it. It has a purpose.

The last 2 "fights" we've gotten into (not serious fights or anything) have been about him playing those stupid video games for extensive amounts of time.

I apologize in advance to those of you who are gamers and Digsters, but bear with me b/c I gotta vent.

Friday after work: I went with my mom to order my wedding dress. I told him to get himself some dinner b/c I was going to go out with my mom for some food afterwards. I got home around 8:30 or 9pm. He was sitting in front of his computer playing Hal0, where he had been since approximately 5:30. And he was starving, b/c he hadn't even stopped long enough to get or make some food. I think his hunger was the only reason he stopped then, and the only reason he didn't start playing again after he ate was b/c Bekkaboo and her man came over.
Total Hal0 time for Friday: 3+ hours

Saturday morning: J gets up about 2 hours before me and starts playing Hal0 in his bathrobe. He continues to play for another two hours after I get up, stopping only to smoke a cigarette in the basement twice. Meanwhile, I clean up ALL the dishes and countertops in the kitchen, and do lots of laundry. He stops playing at one point to put the roast in the crockpot, and, leaving his mess all over my clean kitchen, returns to Hal0 for at least another hour.
Total Hal0 time for Saturday: @ 5 hours.

Sunday morning: Again, he gets up an hour before me, and is playing (in his robe) when I come downstairs. He breaks for coffee with me (after taking forever) and goes back to Hal0 immediately following. While in the basement he mentions that A) his feet are cold, and B) he needs to do laundry. When we go back upstairs, he does NOT A)put warmer stuff on his feet, nor B)gather his laundry. He C)plays Hal0.
During my 5 minutes of conversation in the basement, he says yes, he'll help me make candles (for the wedding) that afternoon. But after he's back on f*#%ing Hal0 for another 1/2 hour, I see that he's not in any rush. I now get pissed and START WASHING HIS DISHES.
I give him 10 more minutes, in which time perhaps he'll realize that A) I'm doing his dishes, and/or B) I AM SERIOUSLY GETTING PISSED OFF.

He doesn't get it.

I walk into the living room, as calmly as I can, and I say (like I'm talking to a child), "J, I think it's time to turn the game off, and he looks at me funny, and looks back at his game as I walk back into the kitchen and start doing MORE dishes. He comes in and says, "I'm not in the mood for a lecture." and I said, "I'm not in the mood to do these dishes. If you recall, I did dishes for over an hour yesterday while you PLAYED. YOU said you were gonna do laundry. YOU said your feet were cold. But all you've done is play that game." and I storm out.

He follows me out, lamely apologizes, and turns the computer off. For hours. Until after he's A)done dishes, B)done laundry, C) taken a shower and put warm stuff on his feet, D)helped make candles, and E) spent a little time with me. So by the end I was feeling better, but it pissed me off that I had to talk to him like a child, and that I had to point out so blatantly how pissed and lonely (I spent the whole freaking weekend talking to the dog and cats) I was.

Total Hal0 time for Sunday: @ 4-5 hours.
Total Hal0 time for the weekend: 12 to 13 hours.

For the record, I have no doubt: he'll load up Hal0 as soon as we get home today.

Note: Hourly Hal0 estimates are on the low side.

Amp will help out with chores around the house, but there really is an inequity when it comes to who does what. Yes, he does the dishes most nights (not EVERY night as he claims), but I'm the one that always cleans all THREE of our bathrooms (ncluding his sink and vanity area that he uses and I never use), I'm the one that mops all of the floors, I dust, and I vaccuum most times. I broke my foot back in November and was in a cast and in a wheelchair/on crutches for all of December, and in that whole time he never bothered to clean any of the bathrooms, and didn't mop or dust anything even though we were having lots of family coming to stay at our house for Christmas. I was getting really frustrated so my MIL loaned me her cleaning lady for a day (which was very wonderful of her). OMG, she did such an amazing job and it was so nice to have someone do those tasks which can be very time consuming. So it got me thinking that maybe I could have her come in just one day a month to do a really thorough cleaning on the floors and bathrooms so the rest of the month the upkeep would be a cinch (since those tasks always fall to me). Amp and I were over at my MIL's house yesterday and I happened to mention what I was thinking. Amp heard me talking about it and blurted out, "Uh, NO! We don't need a cleaning lady." I told him I only wanted her to come in once a month to do floors and bathrooms and he said, "I'll clean the shower. I'll clean the floors. You're not hiring a cleaning lady." I wanted to ask him when this mystical cleaning was to take place, since I'd purposely not cleaned the shower for 3 weeks just to see if he'd get disgusted by it and take it upon himself to do it, but of course that never happened.

So we get home from his Mom's house and does he head upstairs to clean the shower as he adamantly claimed he would? No. He plops himself down in front of the computer (which he'd been sitting at all morning). I go upstairs to clean the shower (it was nasty) and proceed to spend the next hour and a half of my Sunday afternoon scrubbing the shower, toilet, and HIS vanity area. The more I scrubbed the madder I got, and so I came up with a plan to map out all the chores around the house, the frequency said chores need to be done, and make up a rotating calendar of responsibilities so one person (aka ME) doesn't get stuck with the crappy tasks all the time. I came downstairs to ask Amp if that would be amenable to him and he got all pissy and snotty about it. I asked him why he was getting so angry and he said it was because I said that I do EVERYTHING and he does NOTHING. Uh, I didn't say that. I simply said I wanted to try this plan so I didn't always get stuck doing the time consuming, unpleasant chores since he wasn't willing to discuss hiring someone to help out once a month. Anyway, he proceeded to be a huge pen!s all evening, stomping and huffing around putting on a little cleaning show and we got into a major shouting match at bedtime. Gah. Why do men have to be such babies about this sh!t???

Finally - I get all of it back in the garage (figuring screw this - I'm not having my garbage rolling down the streets - it can wait till next week). And I'm pissed. I've struggled for the last 10 minutes with this. I walk in the house & he says "sorry - I forgot it was trash day."
Yep - I can see how you can forget it's Thursday night & this is the ritual we've done for the last 2.5 years. And I can see how, driving down the street, you may have noticed every.other.house.on.the.street having their garbage out. Yeah - I can see that.

I don't understand how I work long days, he works long days - but I'm supposed to be the one thinking about dinner in addition to that. And when I mentioned we needed to come up with a plan to clean the house - he looked around & said he thought it was fine. Now - the floor was cleared - but there wasn't a horizontal surface visable.

So I said "No worries - I'll get one." He tells me I should wait & get a Big Expensive One since it will be worth it.

Bottom line - I tell him I'm going out, and I go the store. I pick out a floor model of a size that is 32 inches (bigger than the one that just died) and I'm all happy. It was on Super Sale - and then floor model & I spent WAY less than half of what he had planned on spending on Big Expensive TV.

Problem: Doesn't fit in the car. So I call home. And I had to call three times before he answered.
I asked him to come get me & the tv. He said He'd think about it.
Excuse me? Come again? You'll think about it?
I asked him if he meant to say that he would need to think about picking up the tv his wife just bought that doesn't fit in the car?
He said "Well you should have thought of that when you bought it."

Are you kidding me? He did come & schlep it in the house - refuses to give his opinion on it etc. And I'm livid that he would even have to think about coming to get me.

quote:

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Originally posted by meggo:

Problem: Doesn't fit in the car. So I call home. And I had to call three times before he answered.
I asked him to come get me & the tv. He said He'd think about it.

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Meggo, my eyes are bugging out of my head!!! He'll *think* about it? What is that supposed to mean??

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Originally posted by hermitclare:
I would be so tempted to spend the next few days responding to everything he says by saying "I'll think about it" in a really snotty voice. But then, I'm immature that way...

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Originally posted by crowjoy:
Ugh. I'm sorry Meggo but your man tends to make me want to go hunt down the what I hate about *your* SO thread. I know you love him so I'm gonna just shut it.

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Originally posted by crowjoy:
Ugh. I'm sorry Meggo but your man tends to make me want to go hunt down the what I hate about *your* SO thread. I know you love him so I'm gonna just shut it.

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Thank you.

Meggo, you don't deserve responses like "I'll think about it". I, too, believe that you should "think" about making dinner this week, taking out the trash. Just let him live in his own TV land squalor until he gets up to do something about it.

On Thursday and Friday, I sweetly remind darling boy that he said he will clean the bathroom this weekend.

We have had several conversations about what constitutes a clean bathroom. There is more to it than a rinsed tub and a swished toilet. It also includes a clean mirror and medicine cabinet, sink, and floor.

He fully understands this.

On Sunday evening, he's done about half of it. I remind him before I go go bed (he goes to bed later) that he said he'd finish it. He assured me he would.

HE DIDN'T DO ANY OF IT.

I am so freaking annoyed.

It's totally not that he didn't clean the bathroom. It's that he consistantly does a half assed job of those few household things he says he'll do, and then expects accolades and praise for said half assed job.

Just do what you say you will do and do it well. Please? It's not that hard.

And why the hell does it take you three times as long to do a half assed job as it does for me to do it all?

quote:

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Originally posted by blanketbat:

And why the hell does it take you three times as long to do a half assed job as it does for me to do it all?

Boys.

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Get over yourself, before I get over you.

quote:

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Originally posted by blanketbat:

he consistantly does a half assed job of those few household things he says he'll do, and then expects accolades and praise for said half assed job.

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Yes, Yes, YES! I finally got SO upset a month ago that we created a chores list and we divvied them out. One of his tasks (I believe he OFFERED to do it) was to feed the dog. How many times has he fed the dog the last month, with dry food and wet food mixed together so Max will actually eat? Hm.

He takes on financial obligations that he can't possibly see out, then gets mad at me when I get upset. He has admitted that he loves to spend money, but refuses to help me actually USE the budget we created along with that already obsolete chores schedule.

He creates messes everywhere and leaves them there. When I finally get tired of picking up everything after him and let it stay there until he picks it up, he manages to make me feel guilty about leaving the mess there for so long, and complains that the place is so messy. Then he chastises me for being a crappy domesticate. Well, yes, I do hate to clean, but it's even worse when mommy picked up after you until you moved out and now you think I'll do the same. Hm.

He also *says* he'll do things and then won't. He'll *promise* to do things. When we talk later, he'll say he *forgot* or that *he didn't have time to do it because he was working on more important things like hanging out at J's house.*

Why can't he put down the seat & lid? I've told him a million times I think it's nasty to leave it up and to please put them down afterwards. What does he say 98% of the time? "Sorry baby, I forgot."

When he purges his vast collection of paperwork, he creates another mess. This is inevitable when you are sorting. Fine. He lets the "keep" items LAY WHERE HE LEFT THEM until I get pissed off enough to put them somewhere or until he says to himself, "Oh, I'll be the bigger person and get it up because having a clean space is SO nice." Hm.

Deadwood. I hate that show; I hate it with a passion. He rented the whole first season with that Bl ock Bus ter movie pass. Ok, fine. He falls asleep in the middle of it then wants to finish watching it at two or three in the G*dDamn morning when I have to get up at 8 for work. He did this with every single damn dvd he borrowed (six). His excuse? His "Sleep hours are off from working strange cop hours and he's just not tired when he's supposed to be." Uh, does this give you some kind of omniscient power to disregard MY GD sleep needs?

He also needs to take better care of himself. I've asked him to come walking with me but he refuses or comes up with excuses not to, ye olde guy who needs to lose some weight if he doesn't want diabetes in the next five years.

Sorry about the long post. I think we need counseling or some other kind of objective, intelligent help. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not wrong in a lot of my complaints. I'm seriously upset with him.

1. When I want to do something, he gets passive-aggressive about it and drags his fucking feet until I want to scream. Well in fact I *do* scream about it - I hate being late and he makes me want to throw things. Instead of saying no I don't want to go why do you go on your own, he says yes and then doesn't make it easy! AUGH!!!

2. I travel a lot for work. I am away 3 weeks out of 4 and I am not always a big fan of travelling away from my sweety. I live with him which means I don't like sleeping alone and travelling for work is damn hard work. So I look forward to speaking to my sweety each night.

A bit of an aside and more info - I found out yesterday that I have to travel next week and it's my birthday and I'll be away. I've not told him. I wanted to tell him. Is that too much to ask????

And as another freakin' aside - when do I ever get to celebrate something (anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Birthday) on the day the calendar says it was????

Ahem.
Sorry for the length. And the language. I'm upset.

So last night I called him at 9pm ish to say I was watching something on TV that you don't get where we live and it was cute. He said he was on his way home from a friend's place and he would call me before I went to bed. 11:30pm came and I messaged him to say please don't call as it was too late. So he didn't. He'd only just gotten home and that shits me off - good that he's getting out but wtf is it with just forgetting to call me???

Why is it so hard to make me a priority for 10 minutes of his day? Why do I get so upset about this?

3. When we're at home together it's a constant battle to get to bed. I go to bed at 10:30pm and he'd stay up until 3am even though he is fall down tired. So I go to bed. He says he'll be right there. I stay 1/2 awake cause I want to snuggle. He doesn't come to bed. I get up to check whether I can turn the light off. He says yep I'll be right there. I go back to being 1/2 asleep and he still doesn't come. I get pissed off, say narky things, turn the light off and go to bed annoyed and it takes me a while to fall asleep which of course is EXACTLY WHEN he comes to bed.

He becomes this irresponsible git whenever I leave the city and goes back to going to bed at 2am or 3am even though he has to go to work the next day. So when I get home he is really tired and complains about it.

I seriously cannot put up with him any longer. I really want to make it work. I hate quitting. Also, moving me back to Minn would be a hellacious problem. But when it seems like he does inconsiderate things on purpose, or doesn't really give a damn when he does, and doesn't say anything about "Ok, baby, I'll try not to do that," I don't even want to try anymore. It seems like I think about leaving him more often every day, especially when he does things like he's done today. _help.

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Originally posted by bekkaboo:
I have seen the doom of my relationship, and its name is Warcraft. Sigh. Looks like I'll be taking a lover.

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