so any of you married folk out there, what was your wedding like? did you do the big traditional spend scads of money/wear a big white dress thing? was it worth all the moolah?

Our wedding was beautiful and relatively cheap. I'm very happy with the way it turned out, and yet I still can't figure out whether it's not just foolish to spend so much on one day. If I had it to do over again... I don't know what I'd do.

We got a good deal on the place and the catering because we had both the ceremony and the reception in the same place, a ballroom in what used to be a hotel and is now a retirement home with a ballroom on the ground floor and a restaurant on the top floor (one neat thing is that some of the old folks came by and waved to us and offered us congratulations. We invited them in to dance, but they were kind of shy). I got the photographer through work (at the time I worked for a PR firm), so he gave me a good deal and produced beautiful photos-- of which I got to keep the negatives. We went with very simple flowers-- I carried three large calla lillies, my bridesmaids carried one apiece, and each table had one in a slender vase. This all went with the overall style, which was vaguely 1930's, as was my dress. It was a simple, white, empire-waisted number that went to the floor. No flounces or poofs anywhere.

so far, all we've got figured out is the location. we're also doing the ceremony and reception at the same location (neither one of us is remotely religious, so the church wedding thing just wasn't going to happen). i'm really excited about the site ... a beautiful wooded estate complete with elizabethan-style mansion, swan pond, and formal gardens, in the north shore area of massachusetts, not far from boston. the wedding will be in late september (2001, not this year), so the leaves should all be turning color and looking all pretty. the guest list looks like it's going to be in the 180 or so range; not terribly big but not exactly small and intimate either.

i actually started freaking out about the catering/food last week, since i just realized how much it's going to cost to feed all these people ... how can it possibly cost $80+ per person to feed the guests what will inevitably be beautifully-presented but ultimately overcooked chicken? i'm thoroughly horrified. anyway, called my mom in a panic, who assured me that yes, she already knew it was going to be this expensive, and not to stress out too much about it.

did sort of start looking at wedding dresses, and am thinking of something very elegant, clean lines, sort of Grace Kelly-ish, probably strapless and A-line in shape. anything with too big a skirt -- or lace, or, shudder at the thought, sequins -- frightens me.

i did talk to a couple of photographers, both of whom seem great (my former boss, a freelance magazine photographer, recommended them to me), so i'm feeling a little better about that. i also got in touch with the guy in charge of the band we're hoping to book ( a really amazing swing band that played at the wedding we went to last year), and they're available for our date, which is good.

blah ... i'll just be so happy once we have all these people booked!

As a young, starry-eyed teenager I envisioned this huge, Charles-and-Di wedding complete with the doves and horse drawn carriages. (And the rich prince!!)
As an adult, reality kicked in, and my priorities shifted slightly.
In January, 2000, my boyfriend and I decided to start thinking about marriage after a 4-year relationship. Five weeks later, we tied the knot in Laughlin, Nevada. There were 2 moms, 2 dads, 3 grandmas and 3 friends in attendance. And I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect!!
The chapel at the Hilton was beautifully decorated. The service staff took impeccable care of us, the photography was excellent. There was a simple champagne and cake toast afterward. Everyone commented on the beauty of the simplicity and intimacy.
The whole deal, including our hotel suite and my awesome dress, cost less than $1000.
The rest of the weekend was spent partying and gambling and laughing with our friends.
It was a perfect, perfect weekend.
A month later, we had our reception at a friend's home, and it was just a big, fun party! Someone made us another wedding cake, so we did the traditional cake smash for the amusement of the crowd. We broke a pinata. No dressing up, no stuffy wedding atmosphere.
The moral of the story is: Everybody fantasizes about a fairy tale wedding. However, your memories can be just as precious even if you plan an untraditional wedding. The reality is that few people in this day and age have wealthy parents willing to spend tens of thousands of dollars for an event that lasts all of a few hours. Why have all the frustration and frazzled nerves of planning and then huge bills to pay off for years to come? Why not save the money and use it for a down payment on a house, or a bitchin' honeymoon (like we're doing in a few months)? Anyway, that's the way we did it, and not only are we still happily married, we have no credit card wedding aftermath!

we're doing the wedding in ipswich, at the mansion at turner hill. there are actually several really amazing mansions and castles out in that general area; i'm not exactly sure where the magnolia area is. my fiance and i both grew up in reading, so boston area still sort of feels like home.

The train of cars drove the 20 miles out to my dad's quarterhorse ranch where we had a buffet style barbeque and lots of fun with the family. No catering, no band, no hassle.

I wonder do people tend to get married earlier in the States than here? I mean, not one of my friends has tied the knot, and only two of my brother's (not to each other) (and they're from very religious families. It's not a thing anybody seriously thinks about till 28-30, really...

And me? Nope, don't think so. I don't want kids, which seriously reduces my marriage-worthiness. Although if I ever found someone who fits the bill, I could probably be persuaded. It'd be tough, though.

Personally, I didn't know anyone who got married in college, or even immediately after ... it seems to take a couple of years out in the real world before people start feeling ready to do the marriage thing.

My friends have only recently started getting hitched (we're all in the mid-twenties age group); I'd guess that 25-30 is a pretty average age at which to get married.

The various rehearsals I've been to have been pretty disorganized, including mine, but I think that's par for the course.

7 months is plenty of time! one thing that you could do is take one of those checklists that give you the tasks to do for each month and then check off the ones you've done and show it to her.

A wedding I am in this June is going to be a pool party rehearsal (they met lifeguarding at the pool). I am so psyched. It won't be stuffy "meet-my-extended-family-in-a-formal-setting" but more "hey-pass-the-beer--Marco!-Polo!" (Then again, look for future spygirl posts in the Shrink my ass about a month before the rehersal about being in a bathing suit in front of the whole world.)

She also was awesome about the bridesmaid dresses--chances are we won't wear them again, but she had us get the dresses a year or so before the wedding right before styles were going to be discontinued so prices were cheap--$120 isn't too bad ... and she chose two styles she liked, had all of us (Us ranges from well-endowed barbie doll types to flat-chested boxy to pear-shaped) to find the dress that flattered the most of us the best.

This is a great link, I am so curious about wedding planning and think it must be so much fun. I have been to so many lately (that 25-30-year-old curse!), that I can't wait to do my own, my own way.

The best weddings--Mediterranean heritage weddings. My best friend is Greek, and it sounds as if they party ALL night long with excellent (often HOMECOOKED!) food and tons of liquor!

I am getting married Sept 8, 2001. Yahoo!!!

My bridesmaids are all over on the height/weight/ethinicity scale from Red hair, pale skin and big boobs to chinese to pretty tall (two of them are over 5'10") I chose platinum (try to think of a color that goes with red hair and olive skin, you can't) colored two piece dresses with fitted tops and a-line skirts, I have seen almost everyone in it and it is flattering to all. Best of all, both pieces were less than $150. One of my bridesmaids already wore the skirt with a sparkly sweater to a x-mas party.

My wedding is on the small to medium side with 80-100 guests. And don't laugh, I am having a horse drawn carriage and butterflies. I am getting married in a church from the 1700s and the horse and carriage just seems to fit. Both the church and hotel are in historic districs, so I can't throw rice or rose petals, so my mom found a place that ships live butterflies. Although I am having nightmares about all of them showing up dead!

All my details are pretty set except for the cake. But no one warned me about the expense! and I don't even really like cake!

I've pretty much decided on the bridesmaid dresses but can't order them until I find out for certain whether ginsu's little sis will be able to actually be in the wedding (she might be doing a year abroad in Nepal). I'm starting to get a little antsy since the shop says to leave about 5 months or so for the dresses to come in, but don't want to pester her too much.

Much Luv everyone
Fluffxxxx

I don't think either is intrinsically "better" than the other fluff -- it's about what's best for the two of you. I know for me, how my family feels IS a very important factor in how happy I am ... I personally couldn't ever do the romantic just-the-two-of-us elopement thing because I know how hurt my family would be, not to be included in such a very important day. But I also think that for some people, doing the big traditional wedding wouldn't feel right for them at all.