*sending you good wedding vibes*

So, I'm going to act mature and be civil to my dad and still talk to him throughout the process. This way the door will not be shut if he changes his mind, and we won't have this hurtful-to-everybody not speaking thing going on. But, I'm going to get used to the idea of having someone else walk me down the aisle. I do have two wonderful teenage brothers (my sister will be my MOH, so that will be a nice way to include them).

We're still in super secret stealth mode and haven't told the families yet, but I had to spill to someone. My face hurts from grinning like a loon for two days.

Now for the tricky part. We've talked about it at some length, and neither of us really wants to have a big wedding. We just watched his sister do that a year ago, and the very idea makes me feel a bit ill.

His family is huge and local, and mine is small and spread over several states, so to avoid having a big wedding with all his folks I think we're going to have to go away somewhere.

I've been thinking of having all four parents, my sister, his sister, and her husband (who are our good friends) head up to Toronto for a weekend and just do it. We've vacationed there before and both love it, and it's not too far for anyone. I'd sort of like to do it with just the two of us, but he wants at least some family. A week or two later we'd have a big party at his parents for all his family. Maybe do something similar at my parent's around the holidays if they insist.

When you tell your families, be firm on the guest list. We had a small wedding (bigger than yours, 30 guests) but keeping the guest list in check was the hardest part. We had a rule that each guest must be a) someone we've BOTH met; no new introductions on the big day b) someone who had been in our lives for most of it and c) someone who would be in our lives for the rest of it. That helped weed out inlaws that wanted to go the fancy restaurant for the steak dinner, even though they've not seen Dave (who lives less than 10 miles from all of them) in years because he's not 'really' related on account of being a "bastard." (Do you sense my anxiety towards my inlaws?) It also kept my mom from inviting everyone from my hometown that fit one or two of the criteria, but not all three. It gave HER a rubric to think about before saying "Well what about hte Joneses?"

Also, we had a small venue -- a dining porch at an inn nearby. That helped too, to say "I'm sorry, but the maximum for the room is 32 people, by law we can't have more." That kept my nephew (inlaw, of course) from bringing his new girlfriend and her baby. It was a bad conversation for dave and I, SIL just did NOT understand HOW there could be 'no room' for one extra, but I think once she got there she ate a little crow with her prime rib.

Lots of people will have LOTS of ideas for you, stick to your guns on what matters most, and choose your battles. I refused to have musicians at ours, for instance, because I wouldn't know them and I wanted a certain song, and I'm pretty sure Etta james was unavailable for the date -- but I also didn't care about a cake knife and server, but my mom got us one anyway, and I didn't attack her with it afterwards.

In the end, people are going to be more happy for you than pissed off they didn't get to go. We sent wedding announcements with a wedding photo enclosed for all of those family members and friends that couldn't attend, and no one's disowned us yet (except for Dave's aforementioned family -- they got announcements but with the free dinner out of the picture, we never heard from them again. Ahhh, inlaws.)

Congratulations, blanketbat! Or is it best wishes to the bride? I'm not that well versed on wedding etiquette. So, happy vibes, regardless!

A little update on our wedding drama: M. and I had a long talk with my dad on Sunday. The result was that he gained respect for our choice and has decided to go. Not that the whole world has to pause on its axis and cheer because my dad is actually going, but it makes things easier.

quote:

---

Originally posted by quarkiegirl:
i plan on telling my mother that i'm married after i'm married

---

Exactly my thought!!

Second, I have an interesting etiquette question.

We are getting married in July. The boy's cousin is getting married in september. We live in NY, but are getting married in VT. Cousin lives and is getting married in VT. Boy's family is concentrated in VT. They are throwing me a shower, since my family is all spread out and won't be getting in til shortly before the wedding. Boy's mother and I, after much back and forth, settled on a date for the shower, two weeks from now. (I didn't know this when we were planning) Cousin's shower is the week after. I think it may have been planned for a while.

She got engaged before we did, but we're getting married first. I don't mean to steal her thunder, and I hope I'm not. I should note that Boy is not very close with her.

As far as I know, I am not invited to her shower, as no one has contacted me about it yet. (Which is fine, because I wouldn't be able to make it, anyway.) I don't know if she's invited to mine, and feel a little awkward about asking Boy's mother directly, since this is supposed to be a surprise for me.

Ok, my question is this: should I bring a gift for her, to send along to her shower? I guess it would be sort of a goodwill gesture more than anything. I don't want her to hate me because of my beating her to everything. I have no idea what her feelings are on the situation, I haven't spoken to her directly. Oh also, it's occurring to me now that she wouldn't know that her shower is the weekend after mine til she gets there, because the family likes them to be surpises.

quote:

---

Originally posted by LaMantequilla:
Whoa, nelly!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by LaMantequilla:
Whoa, nelly!

---

Boy and I are still planning on taking a trip sometime the weekend of May 29th to get married.

I just got an email from one of the other three saying "you're invited to our wedding reception" (which btw, I hadn't heard anything about this until just this second!) Ok, guess when it is?! YES!! May 29th.

AND, I got our first response card back in the mail today! Yay for Phil's cousin Johnny for being on the ball! And.. he wrote "Great invitations!" Eeee so excited!

But also freaking out a little because I don't think Johnny understood the format of the response card, so I worry other people might not, too. We just have a blank line for people to write their name, not a M_______ like I so often see. I thought the M__ would signify a level of formality that we're not having. But Johnny wrote a little note on the line.. what if no one puts their names on the cards?!

quote:

---

Originally posted by kellyrae:
I have a shower this weekend, too! Yay!
I thought the M__ would signify a level of formality that we're not having. But Johnny wrote a little note on the line.. what if no one puts their names on the cards?! (end crazy rant) Tell me not to worry!

---

Johnny was probably just being nice. I'm guilty of doing this too: adding notes on response cards where I'm not supposed to. If just feels too impersonal to fill out a form for intimate friends.

Ok, I found a little wedding chapel in North Arkansas that is just SO CUTE. Plus, they have times available on the weekend boy and I want to take our weekend trip up there and get hitched. Eeee!!!! Boy and I are going to talk about times and where to stay while we're there tonight and make reservations. I'm so excited!!

Now, to get the license and, um, a dress! heh! I'm giddy! Yikes! And rings!! I guess that's important, right?

My plan was do as much as I could early. I knew what down times I had - for example I knew that I wouldn't be overly busy until the end of June - so anything that could be done by then - was. Church, hall, dress etc.
And being organized helped too (I plan events for work so I kind of had a leg up on that angle - but the wedding was SO much easier).

Then prioritize & try to rope as many people in as you can. I had a friend come over one afternoon & "help" me address invitations. She didn't address a single one - but she made sure I kept on task. If she hadn't been there for that express purpose - I probably wouldn't have gotten anything done.
My mom did a lot of leg work me too. If I was looking for something - she'd go to a ton of different stores & come back and say "Okay - store A,B & C have what you might like. Store D was awful & store E was too pricey." That was a huge help. I didn't have to go to every store looking for whatever it was.

September 4th, Toronto, about 14 of us. I've found a photographer, someone to do the ceremony, a restraunt, and a dress. Working on hotels and somewhere for the ceremony. Invitations/announcements are printed, and ready to be addressed.

My current obsession is little goodie bags for the folks in Toronto. There are only going to be six hotel rooms, so I want to do something cool. I'm thinking some games from here: http://cheapass.com/ are going to be a major part of it. I LOVE games, and these are some of my faves. I've also gotten city info books from the tourism center and I'll get some snacks.