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johnnysangel Housemate |
posted 01-29-2004 07:23 PM
   
Ok, here's the deal. I'm having a problem with my rehearsal dinner, or really just a difference of opinion between my family and his family's ideas. First, we're having a pretty big, formal church wedding. So I assumed (I know, stupid me) that we would have a semi-formal type rehearsal dinner at a restaurant, which I thought was pretty typical. Then, about 2 weeks ago the boy tells me his mom is planning on renting a room in the church hall and serving pizza and beer. Now, I am not even close to being a socialite and I am, in fact, something of a pizza connosieur, but this was not what I had in mind. The only dinners I have been to were actually really fancy, so I thought I was being reasonable. But the boy doesn't see it that way at all, and says I'm making him feel "second-class." The newer plan is to have a barbecue at his house with "a keg of beer and a bonfire." I'm still not thrilled about it, but I'm always willing to compromise. So my question is, what are you all doing for yours? Am I being stuck-up? Or is his family just being cheap (as my family is going to think they are)? Again, my family isn't rich or anything, they've just been raised and worked in the restaurant industry and are accustomed to that. Any thoughts? Give it to me straight, digsters! I can take it! [This message has been edited by johnnysangel (edited 01-29-2004).] IP: Logged |
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Dewgirl Housesitter |
posted 01-30-2004 12:38 PM
It does sound a little odd. Did his parents talk to you at all about what type of wedding you were having? It seems like a strange mix. I like the "standard" rehearsal dinners myself. IP: Logged |
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jazzberry Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 01:08 PM
Personally, I think that rehearsal dinners are a big waste of money. Everything that's said at a rehearsal dinner will basically be said again at the wedding anyways. I'd rather spend that extra money on the wedding itself. I have a feeling that this might cause a bit of conflict if I marry G, since his mom has the idea in her head that the bride's side pays for the wedding, the groom's side pays for the rehearsal dinner. Yeah, don't think so. For my sister's wedding, she didn't really want a rehearsal dinner, either. But, since there were so many relatives staying at our family home (like 20) and most of the wedding party was over at our house finishing last minute wedding stuff, we ordered a ton of pizzas and hung around the house. It was really, really fun. Basically, it's up to you guys to decide. I mean, if you've always dreamed of having a big fancy rehearsal dinner to go with your big fancy wedding, that's fine, and you're entitled to want that. If that's the case, you should talk to your fiancee about your feelings. [This message has been edited by jazzberry (edited 01-30-2004).] IP: Logged |
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SLourdes Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 01:54 PM
Kellyrae- I just noticed now that you're engaged. Sorry I'm a little late to the party. Congratulations!! Anyway, I have the 5th off, and I work for a large corporation that is somewhat stingy with its holidays. So I'm guessing a lot of people will have that day off. Your wedding sounds great- a friend of mine is planning a very similar type wedding (her in a sundress, him in khakis, at a local park) and they're doing a potluck wedding. I think it's kind of a cool idea. They both have big families, and they're considering it something of a family reunion and family "union". Oh, and they found a lot of dates were booked, so they're going with a Sunday wedding. Anyway, it sounds great! I find that the more I scale my wedding plans down (it's now a ceremony in a park amphitheater followed by a reception at a marina with a friend playing a playlist off an iPod, a handful of board games for those who are not dancers, and no actual vendors to speak of except the caterer and officiant) the happier I am with the way it's going to go. IP: Logged |
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kellyrae Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 02:49 PM
quote: You're having board games?! I was considering that! Because, Phil and I were thinking about what would make our wedding "us", and board games was the first thing out of our mouths, haha. It looks like I'm going to be able to have it the weekend I originally wanted (June 26 or 27). I had asked about July 4 as a contingency, but luckily it looks like the first weekend is going to work. We have our locations narrowed down to three possible choices (my mother, while driving me nuts, has been a huge help) and I'm going home next weekend to check them out and make a decision. Eee! IP: Logged |
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lesliele Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 05:16 PM
JA-- For our wedding rehearsal dinner, we had it at a chinese all you can eat buffet and invited all the people who were coming into town early. (friday night-- wedding to be on Satruday night) It worked out really well... there were only about 12 people there and it was really casual. It wasn't necessarily a "reahearsal" dinner, because our parents had things to do after the rehearsal at the church so weren't there. It was fun though, because The' got to relax and have a good time with his friends from college that came into town from all over the country. I think it's perfectly acceptable that you want to have your rehearsal at a restaurant. It's nice to be waited on the night before the big day. Maybe a compromise would be going to an actual pizza parlor? that way, it'd be a little more formal than the church, and you wouldn't be stuck cleaning up.
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rocyn Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 06:24 PM
The night before the wedding, my husband's parents who travelled from out of country, paid for dinner at a nice local restaurant (surf & turf) for the wedding party, their dates and my family. It was nice and relaxing. There was no rehearsal for my ceremony, however. It was too simple to screw up. IP: Logged |
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johnnysangel Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 08:37 PM
Thanks for the responses. I found out today that my MIL2b had absolutely no intention of even asking me what I had in mind because "We(his parents and my parents) are paying for it, so I'm going to do what I want." That is what she actually told my mother. Oh boy. So I guess the barbecue thing will have to become okay in my mind since she already started planning it without bothering to tell me. Deep breath. I'm really trying hard to not be a bridezilla about it. So it's going to be okay. Right? [This message has been edited by johnnysangel (edited 01-30-2004).] IP: Logged |
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jazzberry Housemate |
posted 01-30-2004 09:14 PM
oh no...that's awfully b*tchy of her. I hope she's being mother-of-the-groom-zilla-ish, and she's not always like that! Eek. That attitude really stinks. yes, johnnysangel, everything will be fine. I'm sure that when you look back on the whole thing, it won't really matter in the scheme of things. Everything will be ok IP: Logged |
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chitowngal Housesitter |
posted 01-31-2004 06:40 AM
quote: Sounds like you don't need to be Bridezilla,you have a motherofthegroomzilla. Her plan not to include you in the planning of the rehearsal dinner is completely inappropriate. Yes, they may be paying for it, but your and your finace's input is very key. It sounds as if there is a bit of a power issue. But I think you're right, this is one of those times you just take a deep breath and enjoy yourself. IP: Logged |
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 01-31-2004 07:03 AM
quote: That is too funny! We were planning croquet and badminton (quintessential parts of summer in the boy's family), but now I want to do this! I'm sorry you're having troubles with your rehearsal dinner, johnnysangel. Yeah, I would agree that probably you should just focus on the things you CAN control. Maybe you can plan a separate dinner (after the wedding? or before the rehearsal dinner?) for friends and NOT family the way you want it? Though, be careful with that, because if you went about it the wrong way, it could make things worse. Good luck with everything! IP: Logged |
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ralphyr Housemate |
posted 01-31-2004 10:36 PM
quote: Crowjoy, you have some class. I've been reading this whole thread since boy and I have decided to finally plan the wedding since we have been engaged for 2 years and it is time to 'give our parents a day out' Beach wedding, BBQ, all our friends/family will be flying in and so honeymoon will be spent here with our overseas friends. We live near Australia Zoo so we'll be going to see Steve Irwin and Graeme for sure. It won't be religous thing (unless my jesuit priest uncle invites himself and then he would just do a simple blessing) and we are writing our own vows. We might make our entrance on jet-skis. The theme is going to be 'Bali', so I'll have to research that. Can't think of a nicer wedding outfit than a silk sarong with co-ordinating bikini. Boy will be in a cream shirt and tan shorts or sarong if he wants IP: Logged |
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SLourdes Housemate |
posted 02-02-2004 08:08 AM
Yup, we're probably going to do the board game thing. Our reception site has a pool table and pinball machine downstairs (we're in the upstairs banquet hall), which was one of the reasons I liked it. I was thinking of just setting up a table with a stack of fun party games for people to play. At every party we throw we end up playing board games, so why not our wedding?  One thing I'm worried about though is some of the pieces getting lost with so many people playing.
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SLourdes Housemate |
posted 02-02-2004 08:09 AM
Yup, we're probably going to do the board game thing. Our reception site has a pool table and pinball machine downstairs (we're in the upstairs banquet hall), which was one of the reasons I liked it. I was thinking of just setting up a table with a stack of fun party games for people to play. At every party we throw we end up playing board games, so why not our wedding? One thing I'm worried about though is some of the pieces getting lost with so many people playing.
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 02-02-2004 02:49 PM
A question: How much to spend on wedding rings? We were hoping to spend about $1000 on both rings, and we went in to the store today and ended up ordering the boy's ring, which was $395. Problem is, I found one that I LOVED and it was $995. But it's platinum and it's got little diamond specks in it. I looked to see if we could get the same ring online for cheaper, but I can't find one that's the same anywhere. Also, we don't have an engagement ring, so we were thinking a little splurge for my ring would be ok. (haha I guess all I really want is for you guys to tell me to go back and buy it!) I had my first fight with my mom about the wedding today. Well, hopefully it'll be the only one. I've really been dragging my feet about planning... I'm really not the sort of person who throws parties, and being as this will be the mother of all parties, it's a little overwhelming for me. So I was trying to pin her down for a budget figure and she FLIPPED out and yelled about me not knowing what I want, etc. Bleh. We resolved it, but she made me promise to go up to her house and sit down to do some real planning within a week. I guess that's not so bad. IP: Logged |
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johnnysangel Housemate |
posted 02-02-2004 07:32 PM
I ordered the boy's ring this weekend, so it should be here by next weekend. It cost $250, but it's just a simple 14k gold band, which is what he wanted. To be honest, I'm not sure how much mine cost because he bought it with my engagement ring, but I think it was $400. However, that ring goes with my solitaire. I say, if you want it and can squeeze it into the budget then get it, because you'll be wearing it for the rest of your life, so down the road you'll pribably be much happier you went with the ring you wanted than, say, decorations for the reception. IP: Logged |
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journeygirl Housemate |
posted 02-03-2004 04:20 AM
quote: Buy it! Five years from now, you won't even remember how much it cost. You're going to wear it every day FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE--what's a few hundred dollars? Just call me the great enabler. IP: Logged |
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yam Housemate |
posted 02-03-2004 06:51 AM
Heh, just to be the devil's advocate, what if you lose it? We're glad we went for cheap rings as my husband is on his 3rd ring already and it's only been 6 months. (Had to cut one off his finger after a moving accident, lost another one..) His mother is I think on her 5th wedding ring, having lost 4 previous ones down various drains over the last 30 years. Although maybe I've just married in to an absent-minded family, I haven't lost MY ring. IP: Logged |
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Dewgirl Housesitter |
posted 02-03-2004 07:08 AM
Re: wedding rings. Al's engagement ring cost about $1000. Mine was free We're not completely sure what our wedding bands will be yet, but we're figuring $1000 - 1500 total for the two. Like someone else said... you're going to be wearing it forever. That's one thing we definitely were willing to splurge on! IP: Logged |
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SLourdes Housemate |
posted 02-03-2004 11:12 AM
I also say buy it, if you love it. You'll be wearing it forever. In response to the possibility of losing it- you can always have it insured. I think the cost of ring insurance is $10 a year or something, depending, of course, on how much the ring is worth. IP: Logged |
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Beach Housemate |
posted 02-03-2004 11:25 AM
Heh - I'm with Yam - I could never be one of those women with the serious BLING because I'd be too afraid to wear it out of fear of losing it! =) IP: Logged |
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 02-03-2004 12:51 PM
Thanks everybody, for responding. I think we've decided to go back and get it. We surveyed everybody we could think of. My dad said, "well, that's a little steep - we only paid $850 for your step mother's." But how much for the engagement ring? $4000. Yikes. I think $1000 for the extra "sparkle," especially since I don't have an engagement ring, is fine. As far as losing it, I don't plan on ever taking it off, and I've never lost a ring yet, so that's not something I'm worried about. IP: Logged |
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Heatherina Housemate |
posted 02-07-2004 01:18 PM
quote: I love this. My boy and I have just started talking seriously about getting engaged sometime this year, and it has made me very emotional. So your quote got me quite teary, Aryn!! Oh, and I should weigh in on the actual question you asked- GO FOR IT! IP: Logged |
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 02-07-2004 02:07 PM
Yeah, we bought it. It's just so darn pretty. Look at it here - style R3091. Eeeeep! Edited because they deleted my postcard to digs, dang it! [This message has been edited by Aryn (edited 02-08-2004).] IP: Logged |
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PB&J Housemate |
posted 02-07-2004 02:25 PM
Aryn--how gorgeous and elegant
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jazzberry Housemate |
posted 02-07-2004 03:57 PM
it's beeautiful, Aryn! Very, very good choice. wow, they have gorgeous rings on that website. I am drooling over the diamond and sapphire. eep. I'm having a girly moment. IP: Logged |
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chitowngal Housesitter |
posted 02-07-2004 08:32 PM
BEAUTIFUL ring aryn!!! Super T and I picked up my ring today. Apparently my ring measuring skill isn't good 'cuz they have to send his back and make it 2 sizes smaller (well that's what he gets for wanting to sleep instead of coming with and me trying to measure his finger with a piece of string), picked up my dress from the dry cleaners/alterations place and got my shoes. Now all we have to do is go get the CD we want them to play and hope that I still fit in my dress in two weeks and we're all set. He ordered his tux and he's pickin' it up Saturday am before the ceremony. His brother and sister-in-law are ACTUALLY coming all the way out to Vegas, so we're totally excited about that, plus one of my friends in san fran may be coming out too, so that would completely rock as well!!! So we'll have two family members, one former co-worker and a digster...eeeeeeee...two weeks from right this second I'll be Mrs Super T weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee okay I'm gonna go calm down now... IP: Logged |
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Sophie Housemate |
posted 02-08-2004 12:39 AM
Gorgeous ring, Aryn. I think you were right to go with the one you really loved. I have found one and only one band that goes with my engagement ring, but am having a bit of a trauma because it has been discontinued. I have spent the last week on the phone to branches of the shop all over the world, and the guy in London told me he thought they might still have a few in Japan. I have emailed a friend in Tokyo to check for me, so I am on tenterhooks until I hear from him. My eBay cheapie band looks completely wrong with my engagement ring, and this is definitely one piece of jewellery I want to get absolutely right. IP: Logged |
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jazzberry Housemate |
posted 02-08-2004 02:23 PM
quote: Aryn, just to let you know...a different ring is showing up now (it's the matching engagement ring to your beautiful band). So you might want to fix the link. IP: Logged |
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 02-08-2004 02:59 PM
Yeah, I guess that isn't going to work anymore. It's a flash website, so I can't link directly to it. I sent a postcard to myself and then posted that link, but I guess it only stays up for a day or whatever. It's Jeff Cooper - style R3091, if anyone cares to browse around. IP: Logged |
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Bjerica Housesitter |
posted 02-08-2004 04:00 PM
Just a note for those looking for the ring, you'll find it under wedding bands. It is gorgeous Aryn and pretty much what I would have wanted had I chosen my own engagement ring. As it was though my boy picked it out and chose wonderfully. IP: Logged |
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sweet_enemy Subletter |
posted 02-08-2004 06:54 PM
Hey Aryn! You are such a designer. Great rings on that site, sigh... (can't wait to see it next time you're up!) R and I never like wearing rings for long, so we didn't want to go with that option. Does anyone have any good ideas for something other than rings? He and I are so fickle. I guess that's why we're such a good match, right? IP: Logged |
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kellyrae Housemate |
posted 02-09-2004 09:41 AM
Yay, we set a date/location! We're going with the state park by my parents' house, a pavilion on the beach of the lake, for Sunday, June 27th. Holy crap, in 139 days I'll be MARRIED! We're going to have frisbees made for favors! IP: Logged |
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Aryn Housemate |
posted 02-09-2004 12:09 PM
Yay Kellyrae! That's 2 weeks before mine! I can't believe how fast it's coming up and all the things that still need to happen. Things are starting to fall into place now, finally. Good luck with all your planning! IP: Logged |
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kellyrae Housemate |
posted 02-09-2004 04:00 PM
Oh, my god.. this book is just AMAZING. I just finished it. You must read it! My two favorite passages: "The hardest task a couple have when they wed is holding out against other people's images of what a wedding should be, and how a bride and groom should act. But if they can resist those forces, if they can build and then protect their own vision of the wedding and of themselves, they will end up with a truthful record." "When did he come to mean safety? When did he come to be safer than bed and pillow and sleep itself? When he grew too large in my mind to fit into a name anymore, when he simply became what I rested on, what allowed my body to relax and lose for a few hours its guarded stance, its grip on the dangers of the day." IP: Logged |
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crowjoy Housemate |
posted 02-17-2004 01:19 PM
quote: Ok, so i'm confused about the time... I suck at time zones anyway. Can you confirm 1:30 eastern for me?? IP: Logged |
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chitowngal Housesitter |
posted 02-17-2004 01:26 PM
well I'm special (like breana) and apparently crowjoy time = mountain time....so no, eastern time would be 3:30 (cuz its an hour later than central right?) man stop making the pregnant lady think about time zones. IP: Logged |
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crowjoy Housemate |
posted 02-17-2004 01:56 PM
Ok, and actually I figured out that Digs is las vegas time too right? So I'll just post compulsively to check the time, problem solved! IP: Logged |
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Princessjeanne Housemate |
posted 02-17-2004 02:03 PM
Isn't Arizona (digsTime) one of those wierd places that isn't always in the same time zone because they don't do daylight savings? Sorry, not trying to be a pain, but I don't want anyone to miss the wedding if they wanna see it! Nevada is on PST, right? That would be three hours earlier than crowjoy time, so 12:30 Vegas = 3:30 in crowjoy land. Crowjoy, you just became a metaphor for the entire eastern time zone. Aren't you excited? Clearly, I need more work to do. IP: Logged |
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crowjoy Housemate |
posted 02-17-2004 02:12 PM
I just came back to say that I AM excited to be a metaphor for the entire eastern time zone! I'm a whole time zone! That explains so. much. IP: Logged |
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