I am in total agreement with Yeefan. My wedding has turned out to be a lot (and I mean LOT) more traditional than I ever thought it would be. But, I am the only child, the only granddaughter and my wonderful Lukie is an only child as well, so doing the big ivory (I look horrible in white) wedding was pretty much the only choice if I wanted the moms to continue speaking to me.

It has been stressful, but also a lot of fun! And definitely has made my negotiating skills a lot sharper. I have made sure to put my own twist on things, from the gown to the cake.

Of course, I am not speaking as an only child, and neither is my husband, but this is what was right for us.

We were very lucky in finding a priest that helped us to meld both of our traditions and even added some new ones. We had an outdoor ceremony in a public garden, but had a religious officiant. He helped us to write the ceremony, pulling elements from just about everywhere. Instead of a unity candle, he suggested a cord ceremony from an Africian American marriage ceremony. Two cords, one representing my family, and one his, after being blessed by Pastor, were passed first to us and then to our attendents. Each person present at the ceremony (granted, we had a small wedding) tied a knot between the two cords and added their blessing. By the end of the ceremony, everyone had added a knot and the last person gave it to us afterward. The ceremony was to remind us that not only are we responsible for the marriage and it's success, but also our family and friends. I know that this seems like it totally contradicts what I wrote in the first paragraph, but it worked for us.The cord is then displayed in the new couples home. (Ours is framed in our foyer.) We didn't have a scripture reading, but a poem about marriage. Our vows were adapted from the same ceremony that the cord ceremony came from. We had a traditional string trio, but neither Wedding March was played. The ceremony was wonderful, and the most important and meaningful part of our day.

We had what we wanted for the ceremony, and compromised on alot of other things, but 20 years from now, just how important will it be that the flowers were this and we had our reception at so-and-so? We also ended up paying for everything ourselves, so we got to make alot of the final decisions ourselves, but everyone got to imput their ideas and wishes. My husband's parents had free reign with the rehearsal dinner, we just showed up and enjoyed the meal.

This wedding stuff is starting to take over my house. I have an entire room filled with invitations, bridesmaids dresses, tiny silver picture frames just waiting to become placecards, chocolates, etc..etc..etc...

I am turning into evil, surbaban bride incarnate and don't know what to do to stop myself!!! I find myself obsessing over how Lukie's step mom is going to do her hair and whether or not the bridesmaids have to wear pantyhose. (Sept in VA is not all that fun, kind of muggy. Mom says yes and I just don't know) Did I really order butterflies packaged in little envelopes? When did I become cruel? Is it cruel to have butterflies in little envelopes? The place I ordered them from assured me that they won't all die or be traumatized.

Currently I'm stressed about what to do with my hair, whether I need someone to do everyone's makeup, whether the bridesmaid dresses are going to look alright (the style I ended up going with didn't have the exact precise shade of burgundy I was going for ... ended up choosing a sort of very muted red because the burgundy was way too purple and still, I'm obsessing about it), when I'm going to have time to go shoe-shopping, if my JP is going to work out fine (I had to reserve her without getting a chance to meet her first), never mind the little details like, oh, figuring out where to go on our honeymoon.

So, if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone! And as for the pantyhose, I'm siding with you ... if it's muggy it's just cruel to make everyone sweat in stockings. Who's going to even see the bridesmaids legs beneath their (I'm assuming) floor-length gowns, anyway?

But wearing my hair down doesn't seem to fit the formality. What to do?

Is is it too late to elope?

I went sans pantyhose myself and was thrilled to show off my bright red toenail polish. I figured everyone is going to be uncomfortable anyway, so you do your best to make what you can easy. But then again, it almost came to blows with my mother-in-law about Joel's sister's shoes, so who am I to talk?

yikes.

To read the proposal story, go to http://emmalola.diaryland.com

It is such wonderful chaos though.

[This message has been edited by emmalola (edited 05-29-2001).]

Has anyone else hired a wedding planner? how expensive are they? Or do wedding planners just make movies about the mad-cap adventures of planning weddings and don't really do anything other than sign autographs and fall in love with the groom.

We didn't hire a wedding planner, but my mom has done the vast majority of the planning for me ... it's been hugely beneficial to have her willing to do all the preliminary calling around since we live out-of-state. As for where to do the wedding, go with what feels right to you guys. It wasn't really an issue for us, since both our families are back in Boston, and I didn't want to get married in Tucson. The one thing is if you decide to do it where you guys are rather than where most of the guests are, it'll mean a lot more work for you, trying to take care of all the guests when they come into town.

In case anyone wants to see, we do have a wedding web page (I'm a dork ) http://www.theknot.com/members/LisaTruett&LukeCalderone

Stop by and you can read all the cheesy how we met, how he asked mumbo jumbo.

Edited because I have a question: where have you gotten ideas for your flowers? Are there any good resources besides those infernal bridal magazines?

Until I was engaged I never really realized I would need to wear a dress to my wedding. Let alone one of those gigandamundo big dresses that make one feel as though they are attending a cotillion. This thing that I wanted sooooo badly has turned into a giant strange quasi-nightmare. Sometimes I just wish I was on a sit-com. Then everyone would look forward to the day for a season, the clothes would be provided, there would be coming attractions that showed sneak previews of the hi-jinks I can look forward to, and it would be really well filmed and attended.

But no. In fact, I have to do the planning.

This is such a digression.

Le point de Lola?

who knows. All I am saying is I never dreamed about having a wedding and now my wedding is turning into a real wedding, whether I want it to or not. I suppose I want it to, but I just wish someone else would plan it.

As for flowers? Do what is in season. There will be a lot of calla lillies at my March weddding. It costs less, and pulls together a theme if you don't already have one.

Would your parents or his parents not shoulder some of the expense? Im sorry but I cant see the point in so much money for one day either! If all your concerned about is the vows etc. Would you not plan something around that and maybe leave parents or close friends to arrange the party? Also what tends to happen over in these parts re: the bar is that the taost to the bride and groom is an open bar but all drinks after that is normal bar prices. Would that maybe take away a bit of the expense?

Another issue is, since his parents and my mom are contributing to the wedding, we will have to do everything with their consent. This is going to be one chaotic and arduous year. Any positive and motivating thoughts?

I know my wedding will be beautiful and I am lucky to be a spoiled rotten only child with generous parents. But, sometimes I dream of that simple beach ceremony with only me and my honey. Or the house I could be in if I had just let mom and dad give me the money.

So, to the advice. Accept help, I felt like I had to control every little detail and have found that in the end, the 4 hour debate on the ribbon that will tie the program was pretty useless. Figure out what is truly important to you and take care of that, delegate the rest.

Don't worry that anyone is going to think less of you if you don't have...open bar, sit down dinner, etc... These are (hopefully) going to be the people who are there for you for the rest of your life, they want you to be happy, not broke.

Write up your budget as early as possible. Even if you have a fairly large one, believe me, it is super easy to go over it.

Try to remember that you have a life besides the wedding planning. At least you do until 2 mos before, right now work and wedding is it!

Take care of yourself. This is the one time in my life that I am considering massages and facials necessities!!!

Most of all good luck!!

And oh yeah, try to remind me of all of my helpful advice as I am stressing.

i'm actually glad we planned fast -- if i had a year to plan it, i'd have driven myself crazy with little details, making sure everything would be perfect.

there are SOOOOO many ways to cut costs -- we spent very little money on our wedding and splurged on our honeymoon. if anyone is interested, drop me a line.

don't go crazy planning the WEDDING -- that's only one day. think more about the MARRIAGE, all the stuff that'll come after the wedding day.

I think we're going to go for "Something" by the Beatles, even though it has a bit of sadness to it.

I just can't imagine having to slow dance in front of my friends and family. I as never popular in middle school, I never did the dancing thing.
Are we supposed to get all dewy eyed and emotional?
I have a hard time being serious.
My only salvation is by that point I will be so hopelessy in love I won't be shy.

I don't know about the cars, but if you're really into photography, you could easily incorporate that into your invitations/other printed materials.

On a tangent now, can I just say that I am now less than one month away from the wedding and am FREAKING OUT! Okay, not really, as anyone who has seen me will attest, but I just feel anxious all the time ... there's this constant vague little nervousness in my belly. Still so much to do in so little time!