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 Keeping your name or taking hubby's? (Page 5)
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| Author | Topic: Keeping your name or taking hubby's? |
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yam Housemate |
posted 10-29-2003 07:28 PM
  
I like the idea of everyone jumping ship to the coolest name, or making up a better one if it's a tie. Then, one day, we will have nothing but awesome names. "Why Mr. Slinky! Nice to see you!" IP: Logged |
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lesliele Housemate |
posted 10-30-2003 09:53 AM
quote: Ditto... that's the exact reason why I went with The's last name... It's so much more fun than my old name. Even if it DOES repeat the last syllable of my name... IP: Logged |
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bekkaboo Housesitter |
posted 10-30-2003 10:27 AM
quote: ....Hee-hee....the boy and I were discussing making our last name O'Hooligan. And then having a load of mischievous children, so they can get in lots of trouble, and as they're running away the neighbors will shake their fists out the window and yell "Damn O'Hooligan kids!!!!" [This message has been edited by bekkaboo (edited 10-30-2003).] IP: Logged |
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greschya Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 05:08 AM
I kept my name, of course, thinking it would be really easy to not have to change it, and because I wanted MY name. BUT! What do I do with all of the places that automatically think I'm Dave'slastname? My presctiption card (under Dave's plan) made me into a hislastname, some guests wrote us checks to Mr and Mrs hislastname, or Dave and Gretchen hislastname. I'm SURE that this is just the beginning of such things. What do I do to make sure it's not a problem to say, fill a prescription ("AHA! We ahve broken into the OrthoEvra smuggling ring, through this impostor using a forged name!") IP: Logged |
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becca11 Housesitter |
posted 11-14-2003 05:14 AM
Hmmm, I got an invite as bf & becca BFlastname to his work christmas party. i'm trying to work out if i just accept it, or if i say something IP: Logged |
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kbmello Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 05:43 AM
greyscha, I'm going through the same thing right now. Aas for the checks we received, I just used my usual signature and the woman at the bank recognized me so it was ok. But as for the other things like the prescription card, I don't know. What a hassle. IP: Logged |
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crowjoy Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 06:18 AM
I kept my last name when I was married to my ex. I think word just eventually gets out that you've kept your last name. And I would just correct any important stuff like a scrip card. I remember my grandmother once writing me a check with my ex's last name and I reminded her I'd kept my last name (oh, Nana.) The bank never questioned it. But, to what Emmalola was saying about feeling like a family... Mander and I both changed our names while we were pregnant so all 4 of us could be recognized as a family by our name. I wouldn't give it all the credit for making us *feel* like a family because, as you say, we ARE a family. But I've seen already how having the same last name lends an air of legitimacy in the eyes of people who can't quite get their brains around us as a family on their own. There's this nod and "oh, ok." I'm starting to recognize as at least passing social acceptance of our family (to people like the receptionist at our doctor's office, etc.) It just clarifies to them who we are presenting ourselves as. And while I didn't understand then why taking a husband's name could be so important to some people I can generalize my experience now to see how that sense of acceptance or clarification could be meaningful. IP: Logged |
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meredithva Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 06:28 AM
CJ, we're in the same boat. I think M is going to end up taking my last name eventually, so that people will see us as a family. Like you, we'll probably wait until we start thinking about kids. I thought about taking hers, but don't really want to be connected to people that are unsupportive of our relationship. We talked about combining names also, but the end results were too silly to consider! 
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crowjoy Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 07:14 AM
Ha, it took us a good long while to come up with our combo and it was actually a friend who suggested it. Our original combo was, drumroll: Fauerellbach Uh huh. IP: Logged |
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pollyhyper Housesitter |
posted 11-14-2003 10:46 AM
Well, I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon, but I'm pretty sure it will eventually be J that I marry. Here's the thing... I really like my name. And my artist name (the name I use for all my artwork, promotion, etc.) is Pollyhyper, which is derived from my real name, H*lly Piper (it's all out in the open now!!) J's last name is.... SMITH. Blah. Since we haven't really talked about marriage much yet, the name conversation has never really come up, but there's no way I wanna be H*lly Smith. Blah. Blah. Blah. I'm sure he'll be understanding about it. I read through the thread and I know a few of you have discussed your professional reputations and not wanting to confuse people or lose credentials due to them not recognizing your names.... are any of you artists that have made these comments? Either artists, or in some position where eventually you want your name to be well-known? IP: Logged |
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elektrikbloom Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 03:57 PM
My parents gave me the most common name ever. Sarah Marie Thomas. So common, in fact, that I don't worry about posting it on the internet, because there are seven billion of us. So I always said I wanted to marry a man with a nice last name. My first boyfriend's name was Johnson. Not only that but it was a tradition that EVERY male in the family be named Floyd. So I'm very glad I didn't fall in love with him. My current boy's surname is Ninneman, which I love. Because Sarah Ninneman sounds like one long word. Saraninneman. So I probably would take him last name if we ended up married. But also keep my own. Get the best of both worlds. [This message has been edited by elektrikbloom (edited 11-14-2003).] [This message has been edited by elektrikbloom (edited 11-14-2003).] IP: Logged |
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elektrikbloom Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 03:59 PM
(maybe I'll make him take my last name as a middle name, too) IP: Logged |
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Savasana Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 05:46 PM
Whoa, your boy's dad isn't a cardiologist, is he? That's my dad's doc's name! [This message has been edited by Savasana (edited 11-14-2003).] IP: Logged |
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rocyn Housemate |
posted 11-14-2003 06:41 PM
I didn't take my hubby's last name when we were married simply because I like my name and don't like his. His is constantly mispronounced and mispelled, even though it's not that difficult and I just don't like the sound of it. I also do not respond to Mrs. Mrs.Page is my mom, and if I had his last name, I'd associate it with my mother in law! (ugh!) So, I've always been Ms.Cynthia Page. It just sounds right to me. It's totally easy to spell and say. And our having different last names is fantastic for identifying telemarketers. They always ask for Mrs. Bertram and sometimes ask for Mr. Page (too funny.) Hubby didn't mind at all about my keeping my name. As for kids: 1) who knows if that will even happen; 2)I don't think a name makes a family; 3)We've discussed randomly giving them names by giving a girl my last name and boys his; 4) We've discussed giving my last name as middle name for any children. If hubby didn't like his name, he could totally change it to mine, but he does so we're different. As for Mrs, it sounds old to me. IP: Logged |
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jazzberry Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 01:11 AM
this is a tangent, but I'm gonna say it here anyway... One of the perks of being the Digs Exchange organizer is learning a lot of your real names. 
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PB&J Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 05:27 AM
When I got married last year I took hubby's name. I think I feel the same way CJ does--when you have children the name can unify you as a family. (and we had one 9 months after the wedding) Granted, I don't have the same slightly less-than-traditional family situation, but the feeling still applies. It wasn't such a hard choice for me, but what I think helped was that R-'s lastname begins with the same letter as my old lastname. I still get to have the same initials I always did. It is a small thing, but it makes a difference to me. I can totally see basing your choice on who has the cooler name, though! One of my friends got married to a man whose name sounds like a playground insult--she hyphenated and now the name sounds even more insulting. I fear for any future children they may have. (they will wish they were homeschooled) IP: Logged |
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Savasana Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 05:29 AM
PB&J, I am just trying to imagine what this awful name must be! IP: Logged |
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PB&J Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 05:32 AM
Savasana, if you really must know, email me! (I don't feel good about postin it on the internet) address is in my profile IP: Logged |
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Josie Jo Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 08:31 AM
I'm in that in-between period where I am going by both names in different areas. The big important things are switched over to my married name (SS card, license, work and insurance info), but almost all my money related stuff (bank accounts, atm card, credit cards, checkbook) are still in my maiden name. It can be hard to remember how to finish up that signature. Tangent - man, I had the hardest time trying to figure out a new signature! I used to just do a big first inital and then a line, but I like my new last name and I wanted to sign it cool. I don't know if it's cool, but I like what I've come up with! I felt so junior high, scrawling "Josie Marriedname" on notebook paper over and over again... IP: Logged |
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manmarie Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 10:28 AM
so i checked the box to take my boy's name on the marraige license. i will now be Manmarie Mylastname Hislastname. I figure that is pretty easy because I go by my first and middle names, so now they are both officially a first name, and my last name is still hanging out for anyone to investigate and to connect me with my sister. I do feel a tiny bit at ease that we will all have the same last name, but i am used to answering to Mrs. Him and our vet calls him Mr. Her. The Mrs. part is alot harder for me to get used to than the Hisname part. IP: Logged |
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greschya Housemate |
posted 11-15-2003 10:39 AM
So . . . . does this mean you are NOW a Mrs?? eek!!
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Bjerica Housesitter |
posted 03-25-2004 02:33 PM
Found this article about the Maiden Name Debate. I didn't think twice about changing my name really but when it actually came time to do it I was a little sad to be losing my name. I was 21 so I can only imagine what it would be like to be getting married in your thirties and considering a name change. I've been working with this firm for almost six years and been married for the last two and a half. My boss still slips sometimes and introduces me to clients by my maiden name. IP: Logged |
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LazyGoddess Housemate |
posted 03-25-2004 02:52 PM
I went through about a two week period before I changed my name to T's, where I just wasn't sure what I wanted. I think what helped was T's support of either choice and when he told me that "no matter what the last name doesn't make you the person you are. S____ or T____ you can still relate your past, tell the same stories and bring what gave your name meaning with you." It just helped so much to know that I wasn't abondoning anything but letters and the person that I was will still be intact, that and my new last name can be spelled phonetically. On a completely unrelated note my mother just realized she will be Grandma S______ some day and has totally flipped out about it, she is making me swear we will call her Grandma (first name). IP: Logged |
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chitowngal Housesitter |
posted 03-25-2004 04:48 PM
I took Super T's last name and originally I didn't think twice about it. But the day before we left for Vegas I was at work getting all my paperwork ready to do the name change at work and at my bank and for my law license and I started bawling (which is always attractive at work). I still slip up sometimes and sign my old name...I figure that its just a continuation of trying to figure out who I am. It is only a name, but its still weird to have a new one. IP: Logged |
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minxx Housemate |
posted 03-26-2004 06:41 AM
Now that it's getting closer to when I'm going to get married (ok, we set a date but that has sort of fallen through... lets just say sometime this summer), I've thought more and more about this issue. I guess my biggest thing is that it could be really confusing for a bit and sort of a hassle to change my name. Is it hard to go about changing my last name to his? Can you tell I'm lazy? sheesh! IP: Logged |
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LazyGoddess Housemate |
posted 03-26-2004 07:19 AM
I had to go to 1) The bank for all student loans, personal loans, ATM card, checks and adding the boy to all of it (I planned a head and made an appointment to take care of it all in one shot) 2) SS office to change the SS card 3) DMV for Driver's licence Everything else was taken care of over the phone, credit card, insurance ect... Overall it took about two weeks of form filling and wasn't too painful IP: Logged |
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greschya Housemate |
posted 03-26-2004 07:23 AM
I kept my name and figured it would be zero hassle (not why I kept it, though) but NO. WAY more people/agencies/etc assumed that by checking Married I was now greschya hisname, and I had to have certain things replaced (ins card) and figure out how to cash checks made out to gretchen hisname, who doesn't really exist. Blah. IP: Logged |
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Dewgirl Housesitter |
posted 03-26-2004 07:23 AM
From what I've read on various messageboards... it's not a problem at all. Get it changed on your social security card first (all you need is ID and your marriage liscense) and then everything else is easy as can be. I know I've said it on this thread before, but I don't think I've said it since there was actually a Mr. Ginger on the horizon and an actual new last name. I can't WAIT to change my name! I want to change it today! Not that I dislike my maiden name, but I've always known that I would change it when I got married, and I really like his last name... so I want to be it rightnow. I am having trouble learning to write it, though (yes, I am in 6th grade and practising my new signature). It's hard to learn a brand new set of letters. IP: Logged |
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kgsd Housemate |
posted 03-26-2004 07:47 AM
Becca11, that's funny - my old bosses had been married for like 20 years (to each other). They always did everything the unorthodox way - they lived together and had two children before they were married. The husband told me one day that before they were married (before they had even talked about marriage), he saw some document where she had written HerFirstName HisLastName as her name. He said that he really freaked out! Minxx, it's really not that hard to change your name. Most places will just take your marriage license as proof (incidentally, I've heard that guys who change their name can't get away that easily). Be prepared to have a period of, say, six months to a year where you've got both names going on and maybe a little confusion. I've been Kgsd HisName for five years and now, on the rare instances when I see Kgsd MaidenName, it looks weird. Side note: when we first got married I kept my name because I wanted to make a statement. (Kind've force people to realize that there IS a different way to do things.) He was in the military then and the military WOULD NOT put my maiden name on my military ID. They said, "to us, you're Kgsd HisName." That made me SO MAD!! When I bought something on base with a credit card and they asked to see my ID, the names didn't match and I always had to explain. The military really doesn't like it when you don't do things the normal way. About two years after we were married I decided to change it. Not because of the military hassle, but I just liked the idea of being "The HisNames." Plus my maiden name was a common word in the English language and I hated it. It made for a lot of teasing in school. (Although my married last name is also a common word, but not used nearly as much as my maiden name.) [This message has been edited by kgsd (edited 03-26-2004).] IP: Logged |
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pollyhyper Housesitter |
posted 07-15-2004 10:59 AM
quote: So, suprisingly, J brought the topic up this morning, and right off the bat said "If you don't wanna take my name, I totally understand and won't mind." Phew. So now I'm thinking...hyphenated? Not hyphenated? Not at all? Anyone else out there dealing with/dealt with a Smitty? IP: Logged |
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FunPun Housemate |
posted 07-15-2004 11:16 AM
Polly, could you just use Piper professionally, no matter what you decide to do for day-to-day stuff? Like, H*lly Smith (or Piper-Smith) by day and H*lly Piper by, uh, art. I don't know how much of a headache that would be, but it might be one way to go. IP: Logged |
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Lis Housemate |
posted 07-15-2004 11:46 AM
I worked with a photographer and she sort of did what FunPun suggested; it worked fine for her. The name of her business, all her stationary, account (I think) etc. related to work had her maiden name on it. But she had a joint checking account where she used her married name and people would still call up looking for "Mrs. Married Name." She'd only been married 2 years, but had her business much longer so it made sense. IP: Logged |
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mariposa Housemate |
posted 07-15-2004 11:49 AM
I'm lucky. I didn't have to deal with this question at all. My maiden name was long, Polish, and unpronouncable. Totally different pronunciation than spelling. S's last name is common and normal. Finally, I have a name people can say!!! I waited all my life to get rid of that name. IP: Logged |
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bettiepage Housemate |
posted 07-16-2004 07:51 AM
rocyn you have the best last name EVER---unfortunentely, my beau doesn't and my last name would totally change it's course... I am hispanic, therefore I have a long "hispanic" last name, his last name is german and is only four letters, yeah that's great!  [This message has been edited by bettiepage (edited 07-16-2004).] [This message has been edited by bettiepage (edited 07-16-2004).] IP: Logged |
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pollyhyper Housesitter |
posted 07-16-2004 08:07 AM
I think it's gotta combination or none at all. I just can't handle being a "Smith". Too common. My h.s. boyfriend was a Smith, so I actually thought about this long ago. (NO relation). My aunt went from Piper to Smith. I actually like my name. A lot. i don't think I can let it go. Plus, how can I be pollyhyper than? IP: Logged |
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Lis Housemate |
posted 07-16-2004 08:13 AM
Yeah, you'd have to be smollyhyth then, huh? Not nearly as catchy [This message has been edited by Lis (edited 07-16-2004).] IP: Logged |
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meggo Housemate |
posted 07-16-2004 08:20 AM
I don't know how I haven't contributed to this yet.. I got married almost two years ago & kept my name. Hubby knew I would keep it and he didn't really care one way or the other. I mostly kept it because I like my last name (his is really long) and because I was moving countries to be with him - so I figured with all the immigration paperwork I had to fill out - it would be easier to make sure it was all in one name. Mine. We have run into some small things that have been an issue: I don't feel less married to him, or less of a family because we don't have the same last name. I don't think our kids (who will have his last name) will have any issues with their identity since they'll know that I'm mom & he's dad regardless of our last names. Maybe someday I'll feel stronger about it - but for now I'm pretty happy with where I am. IP: Logged |
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Aria Housemate |
posted 07-16-2004 08:28 AM
Mariposa!!! WHY?!?!? I'd love to have a Polish last name... I'm 1/4 Polish, and everyone laughs when I bring it up, because my last name is so obviously not Polish (cause my Grandma is the Polish one) Anyway, to stay on topic here... I'm not getting married any time in the near future, but I've always just assumed that I would take his name... (and I'm not giving up my middle name either... either I will be Aria Middlename Mylastname Hislastname or just Aria Middlename Hislastname) Except for when I was considering going into the Military, in which case I figured I'd keep mine since my dad is was in the military. (Speaking of which, the military doesn't have problems with their own people keeping their names so why do they have problems with spouses keeping their names... who knows, my mother always hated the Military way of doing names because she went by her middle name, which to the military was always a middle initial) IP: Logged |
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pollyhyper Housesitter |
posted 07-16-2004 08:33 AM
quote: If I do decide to keep my name, or some variation of, when is the proper time to inform everyone? Should it be in the invitation? Before that? IP: Logged |
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natalie Housemate |
posted 07-16-2004 08:39 AM
quote: I wouldn't think that it would go in the invitation. Would you be happy just letting it get around by word of mouth? Or, you could always send your thank you notes with your maiden name on them after the wedding... The thing is that there will always be people who mess it up. Intentionally or not. My grandmother writes to me as Mrs. His first name Our last name. That kind of bugs me because even though we have the same last name, I don't feel like I'm Mrs. myhusband, know what I mean? But I could let it bother me and then I'd be ruffled all the time; or I could just let it go and pick my battles. IP: Logged |
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