Here's the dilemma: My last name is difficult, even though it's phonetic, but his is more difficult, since it's a nice Polish name. I always thought I'd like a nice, smooth name like Black or Fox. Anyway, I wouldn't have a problem with it, except my new name would be (drum roll). Missy Krzeminski. That rhymes. Ug.

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Originally posted by greschya:
Once we have kids, I'm sure Dave will get a lot of "Ohhh, so you're Mr. Greschyalastname?"

It's funny, I have been thinking about this very thing -- not wanting to make a Statement! with my name, but also not having to explain that I'm married all the time too -- especially where I'm in a rural school. Then yesterday, in my mailbox, my school ID came -- and it's totally "Mrs. Mylastname." At least my last name is spelled right, on everything else it's spelled differently, and the secretary beeps in at least once a week to get the spelling again. She probably hates that I don't just move on over to Dave's last name.

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I haven't had to do a lot of explaining. A will introduce me as Lisa MyLastName if t's someone we think we'll stay in touch with (rather than a random person we will probably not see for 5 more years or so). Or if there is occasion for the last name to come up, we just tell what myt last name is. Not a lot of explaining required. At the beginning I was a little paranoid of people looking at me lik, "oh, she's one of those" but that really didn't happen.

And on the spelling. Yeah, I could have picked one of those names that never gets mispelled, but I kept mine and continue to live with mispellings on a weekly basis. And man, if you mispell my last name it's just out of pure laziness or because you weren't listening.

I plan to take my boys last name because I have no connection to my father's family. I don't even know what nationality the name is. That side of the family are all so cold and obtuse that I am eager to start a new family with a new name that has none of the baggage.

I plan to be Ms. Hislastname though. I don't like Mrs.

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Originally posted by manmarie:
Then again, my sister and I joke that we will both convince our boys to pick something completely new so that our last names are still the same.

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I also intend to take his last name because I'm going to be a teacher and I've already had enough kids make fun of my last name. :-)

Edited because "I and the boy" just sounds funny.

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Originally posted by manmarie:
I plan to take my boys last name because I have no connection to my father's family.

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See - that's interesting. I like my last name because it is part of me. I don't really view it as a connection to all the men in my dad's family that came before me, I view it as - I've been Beach SoandSo for 25 years now... it's worked well for me, I like it. It's part of who I am.

I guess I could get down with the idea of both partners in a marriage picking a new last name and running with that - marriage is a special occassion if you want to mark it with a new name, that's cool... I just don't get why ONLY the woman does it. Why do so few guys feel the need to 'mark the occassion' or sever the connection with their family (and associated baggage)? Any tradition that is that lopsided usually turns me off.

To view things from the other side - I was actually pretty insulted when my sister got married and tossed away our family name. Now my sister and I no longer have the same name and I think that's sucky. Because it's not just that she gave up our family name - she also took someone else's family name. So, she quit our family and joined her husband's. Rationally I realize that's not true (although that's where the name changing tradition comes from), but that's the emotional response I had.

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Originally posted by SmallBladder:
"Mrs. Jello PuddingPop"

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SB, are you married to Bill Cosby?

I think it's hilarious when G uses my Safeway Club Card when we go shopping, and they say "Thank you, Mr. jazzberry" since my last name is clearly Chinese and he is very clearly Caucasian. I guess it's somewhat possible that he may have taken my last name, but I think it's pretty clear that we're not married.

In my area, titles are very heavily socially used... so it's rather uncommon to use Ms. unless one is purposely hiding their marital status.

I have to admit that I really like how my first & last names sound together. My firstname (think Greschya) doesn't sounds right with a lot of last names. It's really disjunctive. Now, I may feel different once I find the guy!

To slightly complicate matters (probably just in my own head, I don't know that it bothers the rest of the family) I am the last offspring with the family name. My dad has a sister and she of course changed her maiden name, and I am an only. I thought of using my last name as my child's name (first or middle) but it's just a name that sounds like a last name, can't be used for a first or middle without sounding really odd.

I don't have very strong feelings one way or another about ending the family name. My maiden name was always mangled, but my married name isn't much better. It's Norwegian though, so that gives us (OK, me)plenty of opportunities to think about inflicting fun names on our future children.

ETA a disclaimer: By "inflicting" I don't mean that Norwegian names are intrinsically bad, just that my husband tends to disagree with some of the more unusual names I like. Though this is coming from a man who once told me he'd like to name his children Moss and Green.

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Originally posted by PrincessPushPin:
...I tease him that he should change his name to mine since we use mine when we order food or make reservations - of course he just looks at me like I'm a freak or something...

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Funny you should say that! Not long before my wedding my parents asked me if I was changing my name. If you've read my previous posts in this thread you'll know it was a no brainer for me - of course I was changing my name. Anyway, when I said I was they said it was a bit unfair that I was changing my name and thought that my hubby should change his name to my family name (in jest). Why wouldn't hubby want to be Mr MyMaidenName?

Fast forward to the reception and word of that somehow got to the MC and actually said something along those lines that hubby ought to be changing his name. I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a joke, but one of hubby's aunts was offended and had a word to the MC!

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Originally posted by jazzberry:

Unless my future husband has an awful last name (i.e. Assman...Jasmine Assman?), I plan on taking his. Like a lot of others have said, I just like the idea of my own family having the same name.

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Why not have him take your name? Why the automatic assumption that you have to be the one to change your name?

I like that I'm officially lesliele now... It's a way funner name than what I had before. Plus, my maiden name is associated with my biological father, who hasn't been a part of my life in over 10 years... I've always hated my last name and looked forward to being able to change it when/if I ever got married.

As far as not being a part of my family anymore or whatever, we are a family of divorces/remarriages. NONE of us have the same last name... So, I don't really feel that I'm any less a part of my family than before. At least now I match SOMEONE.

Besides being the last remaining Housemouse (no Housemouse cousins due to profusion of girls generations back), I just don't see how having the same last name could unite me any more to my mate. If you are close enough to be getting married, having different names isn't going to affect your relationship. Imagine if tradition dictated that married couples dressed alike - out of context these traditions sound a little goofy to me.

My last name is a common first name, so using it in addition to another last name just makes it sound like another middle name! I already have my middle name and my confirmation name (which I do include in my name), I wouldn't want to have 3 middle names!!!

I think it will depend on how my name sounds with my husbands. There was one last name in particular that would repeat the last sound in my first name and it sounded riduculous!

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Originally posted by detinu2000:
There was one last name in particular that would repeat the last sound in my first name and it sounded riduculous!

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My name right now does this. My name is Ginger Gerondale. Two "Ger"s right in a row. It's obnoxious.

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Originally posted by Beach:
Why not have him take your name? Why the automatic assumption that you have to be the one to change your name?

Just curious.

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It's not really an "automatic assumption" for me, G and I have casually talked about it before (usually after the Safeway incidents...hehehe). I'm just not a huge fan of my last name. It's not that bad, it's just very Chinese and not really "me". It's not as common, so I always have to spell it for people, and they mispronounce it all the time. I don't think it really suits me, either.

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Originally posted by Housemouse:
And if I ever did have kids, they would certainly be made fun of for a host of other reasons...being short, having mule teeth, etc, haha.

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Bah, you so don't have mule teeth. Rabbit teeth maybe, but not mule teeth.

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Originally posted by jazzberry:
It's not really an "automatic assumption" for me, G and I have casually talked about it before (usually after the Safeway incidents...hehehe). I'm just not a huge fan of my last name. It's not that bad, it's just very Chinese and not really "me". It's not as common, so I always have to spell it for people, and they mispronounce it all the time. I don't think it really suits me, either.

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Ah, I see. Sorry - the way you phrased it in your post - you said "Unless my future husband has an awful last name, I plan on taking his." it sounded like you had decided to take his name already. But sure, if you don't like your name and feel it totally misrepresents you, I can see why you would want to trade it in for another.

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Originally posted by BionicGirl:
Anyhow... I was wondering about a point that has come up a couple of times as far as wanting your last name to be the same as your child's to avoid confusing teachers/caretakers/etc. I don't have any first hand experience with this (though I do have a different last name as the babe, obviously he's not in school yet), but my sources (aka husband, family members) indicate that a child having a different last name than their parent or guardian is not that uncommon. People get divorced then remarried. Grandparents raise their grandkids. There are lots of circumstances in which a child may have a different last name than one or both of their parents. I just wonder if that would even be an issue in reality.

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