Sometimes I am "Meister" or "Meist" or "Meisty" and invariably some wickedly witty person always says "The SpyGirl-Meister." I don't mind them, well, that is all of them. In fact there are some that I like--"Feisty Meisty" "Meisty Meist and the Six-Figure Heist" "Sheister" (The implication fits--particularly when said with the right intonation) and "Sheisty."

So my surname dilemma is the following: When I give up my last name for that of a husband--which I will, Meister is the German equivalent of Smith as I understand it--am I giving up too large a part of my identity? (I won't even consider hyphenating b/c of the whole Sat.Nite.Live reference ...)

edited to say that she is also one of the coolest people i will ever meet and it would really be an honor to carry on her name.

Hyphenating was not an option (hmmm, Sikorski-Householder or Householder-Sikorski?), but when it really came down to it, neither was keeping my maiden name. It was very important to my husband (and ultimately, his family) that I take his name. The one time we gingerly brought up that I wanted to keep my name, his mother's eyes got big, and she just stuttered a little, before moving on to the next subject. I decided to keep my maiden name for design work and use Sikorski for everything else. But now I just use Sikorski for everything.

I like that idea.

I'm one of the last bearers of my surname, like SmallBladder mentioned. My sister is moving the surname to be her middle name (as she doesn't have one) and taking her husband's name. When it comes to Dave and I, I'll keep my name, and our children will have my name too. He's considered taking my name as well; his surname holds no value to him, as it was his mother's married name when she had him -- but when he came along, she was divorced and had three teenagers (yeah, surprise! it's a dave) and just gave him that name as his father wasn't involved, and it made it easier to all be the "whoevers."

It is taking some getting used to, my new last name is decidedly italian. I thought about keeping my name professionally as I am in Business Development, but for now I just have both names on my v/m and email and sent out cards announcing the change.

It isn't a concern of mine, of keeping my identity. I will not be known as Mrs. Kermit the Frog. I will be known as Mrs. Riah the Frog instead. My mother and both of my grandmothers took their husband's name, but did not take his first name too!

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Originally posted by Riah:
It isn't a concern of mine, of keeping my identity. I will not be known as Mrs. Kermit the Frog. I will be known as Mrs. Riah the Frog instead. My mother and both of my grandmothers took their husband's name, but did not take his first name too!

I think it is kind of weird that women of a generation ago were Mrs. Kermit the Frog, and then when Kermit died, they were still Mrs. Kermit the Frog. And Kermit was dead.

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Just to be anal, not to start an argument..

I think, originally at least, Mrs. stood for missus which meant "wife of"... and you can't really be the wife of yourself.

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Originally posted by kellyrae:
Just to be anal, not to start an argument..

I think, originally at least, Mrs. stood for missus which meant "wife of"... and you can't really be the wife of yourself.

However, I'm probably wrong. All the online dictionary's I'm looking at (love how I have a big exam on Wednesday and I'm looking up the origins of Mrs.?) just say its now used as a sign on respect in front a married woman's husbands name OR her own. Oh dear I need to start studying.

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I remember hearing Mrs comes from Mister's (in the posessive sense). So Mrs would mean mister so and so's wife. Anyone know for sure if that is what it comes fom?

I'll probably change my name when I get married, although it's not gonna happen anytime soon so I don't think about it that much. I think it signifies starting a new chapter in your life, like getting your PhD and being "Dr." instead of "Ms." or "Mrs."

But then again, I've got a generic, unoriginal first name (Sarah), and it goes with virtually any last name, so I don't have to worry about it sounding bad with my husband's last name. *fingers crossed*

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Originally posted by yeefan:
it's an awful hassle to change one's name.

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I'm sure this is what Yee-fan meant, but just to clarify: it is actually not that hard to change your name when you get married. At least in New York, where I live. You just fill out a certain blank line when you go to get your marriage certificate, and voila.

The hard part is getting everything else in your life to match your new name. It's been three years and one of my doctors still can't find my file when I call, because they can't get their act together and file me under my married name. And I can't bring myself to wait online at the DMV for a new license, so I have to fly under my maiden name.

Plus I miss my maiden name and am thinking of having it made my middle name. I do the parentheses thing mentioned when I introduce myself to someone who used to know me, but people seem to think that should die out once everyone has placed me. So I will be going through a legal hassle anyway.

Btw, my husband thought it was weird that I wanted to change my name. But I wanted us both to have the same name as our kids, so somebody was going to have to. And I wanted that name to be one of our families' names, not something made-up. And we both think hyphenation can be a bit cruel to kids. And let's face it, I wasn't up for everyone staring at us when they heard my husband changed his name to mine.

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Originally posted by abracadabra:
BTW How is keeping your own last name more feminist than changing it, if your last name comes from your father anyway??? Just curious.

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I kept my maiden name and it definately wasn't for feminist reasons, although most people think it is. It just came down to aesthtics and to the fact that I was extremely attached to my family and their past. A has one of the most common last names and I just couldn't see giving up my name for that one. Also, I just really strongly identify with my last name. A seemed to like it that I would keep my name so it was pretty much a non-issue.

Also, my surname is strongly linked to my identity. To me, my name - Catherine Proulx - is a complete unit, especially since I have a relatively common first name. I guess I *could* compromise and take my husband's name as a second surname if I moved to a country where keeping your maiden name was totally unheard of. But even then...

I don't think my (potentially future) kids will bear my name. If it's convenient, i.e. the father's name is short and sounds well with my own name, I guess I would pass it on. But it's not a necessity for me. As my mom said: "I will never doubt that you are my own kids. I don't need to give you my name to make that official."

In the end I decided to change because it would be WAY to confusing if I kept my madien name especially when we have kids. In the heart of small town america, if a couple doesn't share a last name many assume they are living in sin even if they are married.

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Originally posted by kena:
This is a strange discussion for me because I've never, ever, ever even slighly considered the possibility of not keeping my name. The Quebec laws don't even allow taking your husband's name anymore

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I'm so curious about this! Has it always been the tradition in Canada that women don't take their husbands' last name? Is it that way in France? I am completely in the dark about this.

In Mexico the tradition is to keep your last name and add "of Smith" or whoever. Jennifer Aniston de Pitt, Drew Barrymore de Green [for those few months], etc. I have loathed this since childhood. To me it says, I am the same person, with the added "value" of now being owned by someone else. Ugh.

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Originally posted by emmalou:
I'm so curious about this! Has it always been the tradition in Canada that women don't take their husbands' last name? Is it that way in France? I am completely in the dark about this.

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No, traditionally, women took their husband's name. It's still that way in France. The women of my mom's generation were the first to massively stop using their husband's name (as they rejected patriarchism and an oppressive religion... it was a package deal ). The law was only changed in the early nineties in response to that cultural change.

I'd say maybe two-thirds of my friends' moms kept their name and a third added their husband's surname to their own. There are still a few who only use their husband's name, but it's often because they had an horrible surname themselves.

A lot of kids bear the names of both parents. But since middle names are seldom used here, it's not too bad. (I think it's kind of cruel to give four names to a poor little kid, especially when those names are really long).

I don't know about that, seems to me most people I know from Québec have been saddled with either Marie or Joseph as a middle name.

I have the four names thing going on. I'm used to it, but I think five would be wayyy too many, so I think if I get married I'll drop my mother's maiden name and tack on the husband's name. In theory I'm kind of opposed to taking on the husband's name, but my current boyfriend has the silliest, most excellent last name ever, so if I married him I'd TOTALLY have to take it. Maybe I'll switch my first middle name to "swashbuckler" while I'm doing the paperwork there.. "Amber" is so boring.

I don't really like my mother's maiden name anyway, and everyone I know on that side of the family, with the exception of one aunt, it totally batshit crazy and/or messed up. It's an irish name. One of my uncles went to ireland to visit our ancestral home and reported back after a month: "500 years in ireland and all the Mxxxxxxs have managed is one small, smelly pub!" But then, he spent a month drinking there so apparently it wasn't all THAT bad.

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Originally posted by yam:
>But since middle names are seldom used here, it's

I don't know about that, seems to me most people I know from Québec have been saddled with either Marie or Joseph as a middle name. .

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Originally posted by kena:
(I think it's kind of cruel to give four names to a poor little kid, especially when those names are really long).

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