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 no-gift etiquette
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| Author | Topic: no-gift etiquette |
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kay2 Subletter |
posted 02-04-2005 03:09 PM
  
Hi, I'm getting married in July. We're having a very simple wedding reception to try and save money. So I feel it would be rude to expect people to bring gifts. Also, I don't want to deal with writing 'thank you' notes I'm not sure what to do--I checked online and some people say saying 'no gifts' on the invite is presumptuous, but if I don't, I think the guests will feel obliged to bring gifts... What should I do? IP: Logged |
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kena Housesitter |
posted 02-04-2005 03:49 PM
The "no gifts" thing is tricky, because it might be interpreted as "we want money instead". And no matter how you phrase it, people will still feel compelled to give you gifts, either because they love you so much they just can't help themselves, or because they fear that others will disobey the rule and they'll be the only ones without a gift. What I'd do in your situation is let my guests know through the gravevine that I'd prefer simple inexpensive gifts, preferably something homemade or personal, and hope for the best. IP: Logged |
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Nakedmarzi Housemate |
posted 02-05-2005 12:43 AM
My friend did this but did expect money and inserted a savings account number into the invitation on where you can deposit money. It was very tasteful and explained that they were using the money to build there life together and all that but THAT left me feeling odd. Here's my suggestion- if you don't actually want gifts, you can always request for people to give in your name to one of three charities of your choice. I find that incredibly endearing. When I was about 10, I once went a girl's birthday party where she asked us to either give money or bring a toy to be donated to the children's hospital and I've never forgotten it. However, if you do want presents, why not register at Target? It's reasonably priced stuff and I'd love to get Target things for my wedding! I think if you say no gifts, it leaves people feeling like if you really meant it or maybe they should bring presents anyways. IP: Logged |
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gemini Housemate |
posted 02-05-2005 03:59 AM
quote: Perhaps this person is from some region or culture that I'm not familiar with, so I hesitate to pass such harsh judgement, but . . . damn!, that's one of the most offensive etiquette-related things I've ever heard! I would be absolutely horrified to receive a wedding invitation with an account # on it.
quote: I think this is a lovely suggestion! [This message has been edited by gemini (edited 02-05-2005).] IP: Logged |
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chitowngal Housesitter |
posted 02-05-2005 11:18 AM
I say the grapevine thing is the most appropriate. Start with mom and dad (most likely mom will ask this question) when they ask "where are you registered." I would say something to the effect of, we're not registered, we don't expect people to bring gifts. Maybe even say, we're havinga small little wedding and we don't expect gifts. There WILL be people who bring them. And one thing to remember is for a lot of people, gifts are their way of saying "YAY for you" and sometimes you just have to let them do that. (And yes, you will have to write them thank you notes, but you know that!) And the sooner after you receive the gift that you write them, the shorter they can be (cuz you don't have to 'splain what you've been up to that delayed the note) IP: Logged |
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Nessa Housemate |
posted 02-05-2005 11:44 AM
I think all these ideas are great...well not the accout number one. I have never heard of such a thing! The charities idea is very big right. I have been to weddings where instead of a favor a donation was made in the guest name which I liked because I don't need another mini picture frame. People can also give them as gifts. If you chose a specific charity they maybe able to provide you with already made thank you's that you just need to sign and mail. Good Luck and congratulations... IP: Logged |
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Eckerslie Housemate |
posted 02-09-2005 02:02 PM
My mother recently remarried and requested no presents as she is a grandmother and in her 50s and truly didn't need anything  . Her invite had a short note at the bottom saying "the only gift we would truly enjoy on our special day is your presence" and left it at that. Some people still brought gifts but they were in the minority and my mother graciously accepted them but no one felt bad for not bringing something.A bank account in the invite would have me gobsmacked! That is (to me) pretty forward in asking for money, and there is no way to buy something great but cheap when your deposit details are there for the world to see. IP: Logged |
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hermitclare Housesitter |
posted 02-10-2005 08:59 PM
quote: That's so awesome! Where was your mother when we were making our invitations??? Back to that savings account thing, why on earth would she do that? I mean, if she just wanted money, she can say that in a more subtle/polite way, and people bring cheques or cash to the wedding. Was cashing cheques too bothersome? I'm honestly cornfoozed as to why a person would do this, especially given the risk of offending people... IP: Logged |
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quarkiegirl Housemate |
posted 02-10-2005 09:34 PM
it also seems foolish with all the identity theft, etc going around. who knows who could get ahold of her bank account information? IP: Logged |
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kay2 Subletter |
posted 02-11-2005 08:10 AM
quote:
We're trying to keep our budget below $2000. We're having a courthouse wedding and an afternoon reception for 50. It's in the arboretum of the university where we met--hopefully it won't rain! IP: Logged |
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sweet_enemy Subletter |
posted 02-26-2005 04:12 PM
when my father and stepmother married, their invite had a nice little poem from somewhere, about how they already had enough, and gifts were unnecessary. Of course, they're both 40+ so they really didn't need anything. They did give the option of donating to VT Cancer society, etc. R & I are planning on the tiny ceremony with a party for mostly just our friends afterwards, so for us, asking for gifts is even harder. I'm leaning towards not, but boy....we could use a vacuum... IP: Logged |
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kay2 Subletter |
posted 02-27-2005 02:10 PM
one of the reasons i don't want gifts is because this whole wedding industry thing is getting to me. i love gifts but the unashamed consumerism of brides (and grooms) upsets me. we're both just getting out of grad school so we're greedy and needy for stuff....but as a matter of principle we'd like to keep the event focused on friendship and celebration instead of accumulation. the goal is keep the expenses below $1500...let's see how far we can get with that. IP: Logged |
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ralphyr Housemate |
posted 02-27-2005 03:39 PM
quote: Kay2, I agree with you on this one but everyone is asking what we need/want. It is as if the guests want to contribute in a material way to our new life together. While I'd rather recieve a gift from someone which showed that they put thought into getting us something that we need/want, Hubby2B says that if they really want to give us something then give us money. Our wedding is in 3 weeks and we still have not got agreed on what to do. Some people are spending a lot of money to get here and they have already said that that is their present to us and to be honest I'd prefer to have them here than have a new toaster. IP: Logged |
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Nakedmarzi Housemate |
posted 02-27-2005 07:39 PM
quote: Ok. BUT- is anyone posting on this thread thinking about how gift giving really isn't about the bride and grooms accumulation but about the good feeling guests/people get from actually giving the gift? I feel great when I find/make the perfect gift for someone. Instead of thinking about how you don't want the guests to feel like they have to give a gift, why not let them make the decision themselves? Register for some inexpensive things, a few expensive items, and give the option donating to a charity. Keep all your options open and instead of thinking about it so much and worrying about not making the guests feel bad, accept the fact that many people want to give a gift that you will use in your new life with your new husband/wife. Just my thought... IP: Logged |
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