If you want to, I don't think it's every inappropriate to send a gift. W

ell, I suppose I'd have to add a caveat about the nature of the gift...and maybe weird ex-lover relationships...but assuming the gift you would choose would not involve body parts or dead animals, and you and this girl don't have some strange past, I'd say a gift would be acceptable!

I don't, on the other hand, think you *have* to send a gift, especially since you don't know her well and will be attending the wedding and bringing a gift there.

However, you might want to take that with a grain of salt, since I am not a big fan in general of being socially obliged to buy people gifts. Don't get me wrong, I like giving gifts, I just don't like getting invited to engagement parties, showers, bachelorette parties and weddings for the same people and being expected to bring a gift for ALL of them. When I don't know them that well. And am still a student. But that's just my issue.

So, to answer your question about if you should send a gift if you can't attend the shower, the post above said it well - do you want to?

Another post also made a good point - rules of ettiquette really change based on social group, religion, nationality, etc. All the weddings I have been to have been in NJ (so weddings tend to be high end), none of the weddings were overly religious or with national decent traditions (like Indian weddings are much different).

With that said, this is how I have seen it work. If you do not attend, you are not required to give a gift - it is just a really nice gesture. I have this policy - as well as others in my social group/family (so see what your social group does) - If I cannot attend a shower for someone that I really should/want to be there (like a close relative / good friend), I send a gift. I send it b/c I am close to them and I want to send it. If I am not really close to them, I don't send a gift (this excludes people that have been very generous to me - I am always generous to them). When I had my shower, I got gifts in the mail from people I was very close with, but who couldn't attend - and everyone, myself included, made comments about how nice that was (meaning it isn't necessary).

1. I am going to Adelaide from Sydney (ie travelling 2 hours by plane) for my mother's wedding on 18/12. The invite basically says they don't want gifts *but* (a) it's my mother and (b) they're paying for my flight back. Do I ignore the invite and get something still (vase with their names and wedding date engraved????)?

2. I don't know what to wear to the wedding. It's a 2pm wedding in early Summer at a church. I have no idea of who else is going (probably no one that I know) and my repeated questions to my mother have gone ignored (oh there's a whole other thread in there!!). I was thinking a nice (fairly reserved) summer frock with a black coat and heels.

3. My invite is to me only even though at the time I was dating a boy. Do I check to see if I can bring a friend along (I think I need one for moral support as it is going to be a trauma and a half in itself) or do I just resign myself to my mother not knowing/caring about my status (which is currently single)?

Me

1. Depends on your mother. "No gifts" is kind of like "no parties". I know when some people say "no gifts" they mean "gifts from certain people" or "give me a gift, and I can pretend like it's a big surprise". So do you think your mother still expects a gift even though she said no? Or do you think she was being sincere?

2. Your outfit sounds fine.

3. If you really want to bring a friend along, ask! Usually I would say, just go with what the invite says, but since you seem to really be in need of moral support, it might be better just to check.

The weekend will possibly be worse than I imagine as I get to spend it with someone who did some very nasty things to me as a child. My mother knows this but I will bet good $$ that I'll get seated next to him.