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copyright
©1999-2000
DigsMagazine.com.
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In
Praise
of SLOTH
| 1
2 3 4
continued from page 2 |
A few thousand years ago, we worked in
order to live. If you didn't haul your no good lazy ass out of the tree
in the morning to hunt bugs or berries, you starved. You worked only enough to gather food for you and your family and spent the
rest of your time making really bad cave art. The ironic part is that
hunter/gatherer societies supposedly have more free time than any other. Think about the last time
you flipped across the Discovery Channel and watched a documentary about
monkeys. What were they doing? Probably hanging out, giving each other
massages, eating fruit, scratching, laying about in the sun and
occasionally having sex with whomever happened along. Ever seen a sad
monkey? Of course not, because they have a damn good life. Monkeys, unlike us humans, know how to revel in laziness. Now if
nutritionists keep advising us that a stone age diet is what works best
for human beings, than maybe a stone age lifestyle would too
(complemented of course by modern technology.) If you're one of the
burnt out and blackened, I have a radical solution for you: Abandon your
hard driving ethos and embrace sloth. Start out with these simple laws
of the jungle.
Law One of Sloth: Stay naked.
Turn up the heat so you don't have to move to stay warm. In order to be
truly lazy one must be warm at all times; think of your apartment as a
tropical playground, and keep it accordingly temperature controlled. If
you must wear clothing, make it ragged bits of torn underwear. Think
Clan of Cave Bear. Go primal.
Law Two: No cleaning.
This includes yourself. Explore the wonderful world of new smells that
your body can produce after a day or two of ripening up in a nice hot
apartment. Don't turn up your nose. Everyone has a secret interest in
their own individual odours. Marvel at the strange and powerful flavours
of your own lumpy body. Don't wash your hair; instead experiment with
just how many days its takes before it stands up entirely on its own.
(At last count 3 was the minimum.) Especially don't brush your teeth.
Everyone in their heart of hearts finds brushing their teeth endlessly
tedious. If you must bathe, do it very late in the day, and take only baths. Absolutely no showers. All that
standing up? Way too much work.
but
wait, there's more!
--------------------------->
lounge . nourish
. host .
laze
. home .
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