| Q:
My
boyfriend of five years was recently invited to the out of state
wedding of one of his friends.
Though the bride is well aware of the fact that we are
together, his invitation did not indicate he was welcome to
bring a guest. The
inside envelope was actually blank, so it is possible that it
was not intentional.
I
have found contradicting answers as to the obligation to invite
a "long term significant other".
We do not live together, but are in a serious and long
term relationship. Though
I know it is taboo, in this situation would it have been
appropriate for my boyfriend to inquire about bringing a guest?
Thanks!
K.
A:
Let
me just say, first, that I absolutely believe that long-term
significant others should always be included in the wedding
invitation; in my opinion, any couple that’s been together for
five years is clearly in a committed partnership, whether they
have a legal document saying so or not. So I completely see
where you’re coming from with this dilemma. Still, weddings
can be quite grotesquely expensive, and sometimes, budget
constraints mean that the bride and groom find they aren’t
able to include everyone they’d like to. And for some folks, a
friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t progress beyond
mere “date” status until there’s actually a marriage
certificate verifying otherwise – which is why significant
others are frequently the first ones to be cut when it comes
time to whittle the guest list. Like I said, I don’t agree
with it, but these are the ways things sometimes go.
Unfortunately,
every etiquette maven in the country will tell you that it’s
the name or names on the envelope that tell you exactly who’s
invited to the wedding, and that if your name isn’t written on
it along with your boyfriend’s, you should assume that the
bride and groom, for whatever reasons, were unfortunately unable
to extend the invitation to include you. It is basically never,
ever considered proper to ask to bring along a date to a
wedding, when the invitation to do so wasn’t expressly issued
from the get-go.
All
this would be well and good in a world where we could safely
assume that everyone else was as aware of propriety as they
should be. But the fact is, there actually are some folks out
there who don’t have a clue that if they don’t put the
girlfriend’s name on the invitation, the girlfriend isn’t
actually being invited. If your boy knows the bride very, very,
VERY well, and honestly and truly believes there’s a chance
that the bride didn’t mean to exclude you from the
festivities, then it may be worth it to inquire further. I’m
not saying I personally would, but if this is something that’s
causing distress in your mind or in your relationship with your
boyfriend, then I could certainly see how you’d want to put
your what ifs at rest.
|
