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10.10.2002: Etiquette Schmetiquette
common-sense manners for real-world living
1 2 3
continued from page 2
2 roomies for the price of 1
I've decided that even if they do "cease" and #3 moves out, I'm still going to ask my roomie to find new digs on the grounds that she got me in hot water with my landlord. I also want to boot her because of her initial dishonesty about the boyfriend situation, which I thought I could get over but makes me angrier by the minute.

Am I out of line? It's hard to tell because I've felt really angry and betrayed by this situation for months now and had given up hope for getting out of it any time soon (I promised my landlord that I wouldn't move out and leave the place to her because he asked me not to because he thinks she's overly demanding...and I have to say he's right). ---Starting to Feel Vindicated

A: If the situation with your roommate has gotten to the point where you can’t even think about her without getting steamed, I’d think it would be in the best interests for both of you if she moved out. You shouldn’t have to feel pissy everytime you come home and see her sitting there (or worse yet, sitting there with the boyfriend, who, even if he does get his own pad, will no doubt continue to show up in your digs from time to time); she, presumably, wouldn’t want to continue living with a roommate who glares at her every time the two of you make eye contact. Is it fair, exactly, to boot her out even if she and the boyfriend both agree that he’ll move out and find his own damn digs? Not exactly, since (and I’m assuming she’s co-signed the lease with you) technically, she has just as much of a legal right to live there right along with you, so long as she complies with the landlord’s cease notice. On the other hand, it was completely unfair of her to put you in this situation in the first place – something which you’d certainly noted to her before, when you asked her moocher of a boyfriend to at least start contributing to the living expenses.

So let’s forget about fair. At this point, it just seems clear that the two of you are not compatible as roommates, and that continuing to share the same space would be unpleasant for all parties involved. To me, it just makes sense for the two of you to sit down and talk about this together. Be honest, be straightforward, be firm. If you make it clear just how angry you are with her that she’s managed to get you into this situation, that the damage she’s done to your relationship is irreversible, and that you will never be able to trust her as a roommate again, it seems perfectly sensible to suggest to her then that it would be a good idea for her to start looking for new accommodations — so that both of you can feel happy in your own, separate homes.

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