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a home + living guide for the post-college, pre-parenthood, quasi-adult generation

09.18.2003

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09.18.2003: Etiquette Schmetiquette
common-sense manners for real-world living
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continued from page 1

when to have a housewarming ...
Q:
How late or how early should you have a housewarming party? Should it be when you move in and are settled or should it be in many months when you have had a chance to landscape and decorate everything.

A: I don't know about you, but if I had waited until my house were fully landscaped and decorated and everything, I would have still been holding off on the housewarming a year later. It's up to you, the proud homeowner, of course, but I think housewarmings are most fun when the homeowner is still all giddy and excited about how new everything is. I'd probably wait until the boxes were unpacked to invite all my bestest buds over for an open house, but beyond that, I don't see why you have to wait until everything is absolutely positively perfect (heck, three and a half years later and there are still things I'd like to fix up in my little abode) to show off your new digs.

roommate tension ...
Q:
My roommate and I share a two bedroom apartment, and we work together. I moved out when I was 19 and this is her first time moving out at the age of 30. I feel that she has broken a few simple rules. I need to know if I am being unreasonable.

  1. She leaves the dishes she uses for up to five days. I started washing mine around hers. However this still makes it difficult for me to cook a meal when the sink is still full. She thinks I am being unfair because she cleans all the dishes in the sink when she does clean.
  2. Her boyfriend has moved in. He is here 5-7 days a week. I hear them having sex, they have showers together for up to 45 minutes. She thinks I am being unreasonable because he lives far away and our place is much closer to work. I am now single but my boyfriend came over 2-3 times a week when we were together. She was also seeing someone else at the time and was always at his place. As a result my boyfriend was never an issue. Her mother told her that she is paying rent so she should be able to have her boy friend over as much as she wants. Am I being unreasonable to say that three days a week is enough?
  3. I go to bed between 10 to 11:30. For some reason when I say good night she thinks it is an appropriate time to have a shower and blow dry her hair in the room next to mine. There so many other times when she can do this. I have asked her to be considerate and she thinks I am being mean and unreasonable.
  4. She is talking about me at work. I find the rest of the misdemeanors acceptable in comparison to this. My discussions with her have been kept within the realm of our living arrangement. However she insists on bringing other peoples opinions into it, and telling me that I have a bad reputation at work. I have never said a word to her about what people say to me about her, nor have I solicited their opinions. I am confident in my own. I also do not say anything because I am embarrassed by my own lack of judgment when deciding to move in with her.

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