| Q:
I am the bride
and my best friend is the maid of honor who is throwing a
small shower for me and my friends...very little family. My
grandmother, who is a great cook, offered to prepare most of the
food and desserts but insists that it is not PROPER for her to
"throw me the shower." My maid of honor sent out
invitations that gave credit to my grandmother as the
caterer...this was done at my request. Is that HORRIBLE
ETIQUETTE? My friend is credited as the HOST and my grandmother
is credited as the caterer.
Please advise if I
made a horrible and uncorrectable faux-pas.
A: So
many rules, the danger of offending somebody’s notion of
propriety lurking at seemingly every turn – weddings can be so
stressful, can’t they? First things first: relax. This is
supposed to be fun, right? Take a deep breath, and forget about
trying to please everyone around you. Nobody likes a Bridezilla,
it’s true, but you’re allowed to actually enjoy your time as
a bride, to do what makes you happy. And technically, the bridal
shower isn’t even really your party, but your maid of honor’s
party (or whoever happens to be hosting it) -- though you will
of course, be the lovely guest of honor. Any faux-pas committed
regarding the execution of the party itself, therefore, wouldn’t
really be something you have control over, and therefore couldn’t
reasonably be blamed on you.
Second of all, you can
breathe a deep sigh of relief: you and your maid of honor have
done things just fine with this shower, and the etiquette police
don’t have a thing on you. Your grandmother’s right that
traditionally, it’s considered inappropriate for immediate
family members to throw the bridal shower – the idea being
that since the shower is one of those events whose chief purpose
is to deluge the bride-to-be with an obscene quantity of new
goodies, it looks a little tacky if, say, mom of the bride is
the one inviting all these folks over, as there’s the
potential that it might look like an obvious plea for gifts for
her darling daughter, a sort of sneaky way of accumulating a
dowry or something. These days, however, there are certain
circumstances where I think it’s perfectly fine if a family
member of either the bride or groom throws the shower, though
that’s getting a little off track with regards to your
situation, as you’ve gone by the book in having a shower that’s
hosted by one of your attendants. I’m not aware of any
etiquette book that has anything to say about who is and isn’t
appropriate as the caterer for a bridal shower, but personally, I think it’s just lovely to give credit
where credit’s due, and to let everyone know that your
grandmother’s the person to thank for all the fabulous food
that the guests will be partaking of come shower day.
keep
on moseying for more questions tackled
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