to the boards
engagement party guest list ... cont.
etiquette books generally say that a couple should only invite
people to the engagement party that they also plan on inviting
to the wedding, advice Iíd certainly agree with if you were
having a larger wedding where it would indeed be possible to
invite all the people that are an important part of your lives.
Given your circumstances, however, Iím thinking that an
engagement party would be a fab way to let all your friends
know that you really want to share in the celebration of your
impending nuptials with all of them, even though you wonít be
able to invite each and every one to the actual event. The key
is just to spread the word that the wedding ceremony is going to
be a very, very small, mostly family-only event, so that friends
are aware well-ahead-of-time that though you may not be able to
invite them to the big day itself, itís not because you
donít think theyíre good-enough friends. To get around the
potential tackiness issue of people thinking that youíre
asking them for engagement gifts even though you wonít be
inviting them to the wedding, just include a ďno gifts
pleaseĒ on your engagement party invite.
Is it necessary,
appropriate, or even polite to remove your shoes when invited
into a friend's home? I
know in Japan, this is such a tradition that it is nearly
mandatory, but the Japanese also have a large area inside their
home where people can remove and store their shoes.
They also offer numerous pairs of slippers for their
Americans do not offer slippers, yet many prefer that guests
take their shoes off and walk around the house in their socks?
A: I grew up in a
no-shoes household; if my mom or dad saw guests make a move to take off shoes,
they would quickly offer a pair of slippers, but I donít think
it would ever have occurred to either of my parents to actually
force guests to go sans-shoes in our house.
absolutely right that in certain cultures, itís expected that
guests will automatically remove their shoes when entering a
friendís home, since in these societies, no one would ever
think of dirtying a clean house with whatever mud and grime and
gunk might be stuck on the bottom of oneís street shoes. In
countries like Japan in which this is the custom, certainly, it
would be pretty much the height of rudeness to knowingly go
against their expectations of whatís socially proper.
But in America, itís just not widely considered
customary to walk around shoeless as soon as you enter an abode.
So despite the fact that I personally prefer to pad around
barefoot when Iím chez moi, Iím basically of the opinion
that my guests should do whatever makes them feel comfortable
(frankly this, to me, is one of my duties as a good host). As a
good guest, however, I think itís nice to be attuned to the
little things you can do to make your host happy Ė whether
that means helping out in the kitchen, lending a hand with the
clean-up, or simply noticing that the host doesnít wear shoes
in his/her own house, and taking it upon yourself to remove your
shoes as well. Which I guess means that in answer to your first
question: Necessary? No. Appropriate? Maybe. Polite? Most
reading for MORE
lounge . nourish
host . laze
. home .