posted
So a quarterlife crisis is generally defined as:
"a term, coined circa November 1998 in Toronto, applied to the period of life immediately following adolescence, usually beginning around college graduation"
It has also been called the 'twenties triangle', namely the 3 questions that haunt you the most during this time period:
* Who am I? * What do I want? * How do I get what I want?
I guess my question is - what does everyone here think? Is this a real 'epidemic', and if so, have you experienced it? How did you manage to pull yourself out of it?
If you're experiencing it right now, what kind of steps/resources are you using to get past it?
posted
I hate giving names to every single phase of life. Every 20-something I know has or is going through a difficult time becoming a grown-up. Let's face it, when you're younger, you think once you get your own place with your own paycheck coming in, and no homework to do, you'll have it made. And that's not the reality of it. Being a grown up has a lot of sucky responsibility, but I think part of the trick of getting through the "Crisis" is to focus on the freedoms of being an adult rather than the restrictions. Maybe you have to pay an electric bill, but you can still eat Trix in the bubble bath at 3 am and no one can tell you not to.
Granted, as a 20-something I am perpetually crabby. I hate cleaning, I hate cooking, I hate paying bills, I hate not having summers off or long breaks for holidays. It's not an easy adjustment, but my tricks for coping with this change are to visit places like Digs or Organized Home to see how other people are balancing their life & responsibilities with their interests.
ETA: A great book that I have given all of my friends graduating college is the Go Girl Guide. Despite the cheesy title, reading through it made me feel a lot better during the especially angsty times of my early 20's, especially the evil "hunt for my first job". Blegh, what hell that was.
posted
I'm 27, and I feel like I'm STILL having my quarterlife crisis. Just... stuck, I guess. Here are a few things I have problems with:
My job has great potential, but I don't feel passionate about it. I work for a legal software company, and I'm usually bored out of my mind. I don't have enough confidence to pursue what I'd really like to do (writing or music), and I certainly don't have the education (one year of community college and a year of Multimedia training, a field that I quickly lost interest in). There's no way I could afford to go back to school right now. Even if I did, I probably wouldn't do well. I'm one of those people who test off the charts, but completely shuts down in a classroom environment. I did poorly in high school, even though my test scores were well above average. I might have ADD, but I don't want to be on any more meds (more on that later).
I'm in a relationship that I'm not entirely sure about, but I've gotten myself out of this scenario before. I think the good outweighs the bad, so I want to work on this through therapy or whatever it takes.
I have bipolar disorder, and I'm taking two medications for that. I also suffer from depression sometimes, and some days, I just want to stay in bed. I feel so overwhelmed by my lack of job satisfaction, not having enough money, and relationship angst. Then I look around at other women my age who make twice as much and own homes, and I feel painfully inadequate.
I often wonder if other people my age feel the same way. It seems like everyone has their s**t together by the time they reach 27, and I'm so far behind...
quote:Originally posted by bluecore: I often wonder if other people my age feel the same way. It seems like everyone has their s**t together by the time they reach 27, and I'm so far behind...
Umm, I'm 28, and I certainly don't have my s**t together. I'm still "going to go back for my master's degree" someday, but I've been out of school now for 5 1/2 years! Isn't it time to go back yet? I can't stop working, though, because I have too much debt. I like my job, but I don't want to keep doing this forever. For one thing, it doesn't pay well enough (I work as a call center trainer). If I have to have a low-paying job forever, it had better be in my field at least (theatre)... yet I'm kind of stuck though until I pay off more of the debt.
On the other hand, though, I'm really good at projecting the image of having it all together, so I guess that's a good thing, right?
quote:Originally posted by glamtart: On the other hand, though, I'm really good at projecting the image of having it all together, so I guess that's a good thing, right?
You know, I'm starting to think that's the best any 20-something who isn't independently wealthy can really hope for.
posted
There's just so much pressure during your 20s to make these huge decisions: career, job, where to live, expected maybe to get married, have kids, "settle down," party while you still can, etc. etc. I found it helpful to forget about everyone else's ideal timeline for my life and make my own. Making all those huge decisions when you still haven't come to grips with being responsible for yourself is too much to ask people, as far as I'm concerned. And the idea of a "quarter life crisis" -- as if it's the only appropriate time before "mid life crisis" to question your goals -- is another disturbing offshoot.
Nonetheless, yes, I've attributed that phrase to myself too, for simplicity or brevity's sake.
posted
I think it's all kind of ridiculous. Of course everyone wants the perfect life, and we're all driving ourselves mad trying to get there. It's crazy. I'll get there eventually, just don't you be a-telling me when!
posted
I hate this topic. Not because it's a bad topic, but because it makes me think again of the awful quarter-life crisis. It's so true! A year back some chick wrote a book about and it hits every nail on the head. Once college is over, then what? How do you go from being a student since you were 3 to having a fulltime job and being expected to support yourself? It's crazy!
I'm a smart chick but finding a job that I'm actually into is practically impossible. I guess accepting that I'm not going to find my version of the perfect job right away and maybe not even in the near future is the hardest part. I think a lot of people, even though they know better, tend to get out of college and think ok, now that I have the degree, I can get the job and find a great apartment and live happily ever after. It's simply not true. A degree does not give you access nor answers to how you are supposed to live your life as a non-student.
Now, I'm looking for a job. I find myself thinking that maybe I should have gotten a degree in something that predetermines exactly what occupation you will have like a degree in nursing or education might have. That way I wouldn't be staring at Hotjobs, Monster, or my local newspaper for hours on end asking myself if I'm qualified. The thing is, most jobs don't want to take on someone with no experience in the field and if they do, it's for a less than you're worth. I went on my third interview today for a job that pays me less than my last job that I did not like nor want to pursue yet expects a degree and more work out of you. Great. Another thing is that I don't know how to do my laundry yet I'm expected to know how to manipulate a computer program that I've never seen before and I know close to nothing in the field of computer science. AND, why is that every one of my older family members wants to know what my plans are for the next 10 years and when I plan to marry my boyfriend (of only 4 months)? I'm 23 and I'm already in a whirlwind of panic of how the next 75 (yes, I want a long life) years of my life are supposed to go.
BTW, Meri and other nay-sayers, it's not about wanting the perfect life. It's about a transition period when you're coming to grips with yourself as an adult.
posted
I don't think anyone is saying that doesn't happen NM. Its just that for those of us that have gone past the early/mid twenties it doesn't actually neatly resolve into "yay, I'm an adult & my shit is together" at 27 or whatever - we are still feeling out the same questions now.
posted
in addition to what you folks pointed out, ie that these things aren’t limited to or sorted out by a certain age, i also think you can have it all together, be content and still face those questions. have a job you like, be with the right person, have terrific friends... taking stock and seeing where you stand and if anything needs changing/fixing/maintaining isn’t always linked to being dissatisfied. and it can be full of angst, even when things are peachy. no shame in angst i thought quarterlife crisis referred the FIRST time it really hits you hard that this grownup stuff is here to stay, not a particular age.
posted
Yeah, I definitely agree with everything said here! I've been reading up on this stuff lately, because I'm so sick of not knowing where I stand on everything and being in a space where I question all my values and how much I actually believe in them.
I finished university with a degree in English, am working in journalism and feel so...blah. The fact is that I have a nasty boss who puts me down for not having a 'proper' journalism degree. I know I can write, and I can do it well - I've been told that by numerous people. I can get freelance writing jobs, for chrissakes.
But because the place I live in is so small, everyone wants you to go back to grad school and do your damn journalism diploma, which will teach me nothing I don't already know from working in a huge newspaper with a circulation of over 1 million. It's a waste of money and time, and I hate it!
To top it off, I have friends who seem overeager to leap into marriage with The Worst Partners in the world, or people they're only kinda lukewarm about because they seem to be working to some kind of schedule. While I'm grateful I don't think that way, it annoys me that they feel so superior to me and keep saying condenscending things like 'oh, you'll find the right person too'. Oh, you think I love having broken relationships??!
quote:Originally posted by blackeyed lulu: i thought quarterlife crisis referred the FIRST time it really hits you hard that this grownup stuff is here to stay, not a particular age.
Me, too.
And for lack of a better description, I'd say my year has been full of "quarter-life" crisis issues. But then, I think most of my friends who are my age would say the same thing. Work, education, relationships, location, and so much more are up in the air for so many people I know. Lots of questions, not so many answers.
I think focusing on the positive and emphasizing the good things have been the best way for me to work through any angst I might have.
But I can't imagine not asking lots of questions about my life all the time. I don't think it's something I'll grow out of. Seems to be one of the best things for constant growth and hopefully improvement.
Becoming independent is a tough transition, but then, I imagine becoming a parent will be really hard. And climbing a career ladder will be challenging. And being an empty nester must be strange... there's always something, right?
posted
I blogged yesterday that it hit me hard when I jogging - I have come so far but still have so far to go. But that journey is of my own definition... so do I really have anywhere to go at all? What's wrong with what I have? Is the stress from rushing life too much?
This from someone who fell into her career by accident, has spent only a few weeks with the love of her life in the past 3 months, and has a lovely set of financial cuttlery to sort out .
posted
I think I'm finally done with my quarterlife crisis. It took years. I always thought I wanted a job in writing, for a newspaper or magazine or whatever. But those jobs are few and far between, I completely suck at straight journalism, and while I've had some success with freelancing, that hardly pays the bills. I remember going on interviews for boring jobs that I wanted so bad, yet knew I'd hate if I was hired. That's when I decided to forgo grad school for esthetics school...I liked the idea of being able to get a job after graduating. I made the right decision...I like my current job and it gives me enough downtime to write, which is what I wanted.
I'm not sure what I would have done differently if I had to do it again. I know I would have done something differently, but I still don't know what.
posted
I feel like I'm just teetering into the 'real adult world,' but not necessarily facing a crisis. That's a bit melodramatic. I can't really complain. I just graduated, and I got a job directly in my field without much trouble. I was lucky in that I figured out what I wanted to do and geared myself towards it pretty early. For the most part, I like my job, it's worth my time, and I can support myself financially and even save a bit. I know that's more than a lot of people just out of school. I can cook, clean, pay my bills... mostly function as an adult. And I have to say, there's been some tough stuff this year (friend passed away unexpectedly, mother had cancer scare...)
Fitting with the crisis theme, we actually had a Re@lity Bites party in the summer (to console/cheer up my friend getting rejected from all the grad schools she applied to, who had no other 'life plan' to fall back on).
I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. I wonder how long I'm going to careen through singledom. My mom was engaged and house-shopping at my age. I feel kind of weird knowing that, although I know it was a different time. I'll admit, I don't really think I'll feel like I've entered the full adult world if I don't settle down with anyone and have my own home. Living with roommates (even cool roommates) isn't a home. One of my best friends just moved in with his girl and bestowed some castoff student furniture off on me, and they bought new stuff (including a beautiful dining set) and I am envious - sigh.
I don't even know why this bothers me. I know I have time. I guess overall, I'm not perfectly adjusted and at peace with myself or anything, but it's ok. Not a crisis.
posted
mm, I think I didn't express myself very well. I'm more annoyed with the whole culture that makes this happen than anything else, and I'm certainly not denying that it does happen.
I don't really remember a point in my life when I _wasn't_ having trouble adjusting, and the financial stuff didn't even really play into it once I got into college. I'd already been paying for as much of my own stuff as I could as soon as I started working/babysitting back in middle school.
quote:Originally posted by motionparallax: Fitting with the crisis theme, we actually had a Re@lity Bites party in the summer (to console/cheer up my friend getting rejected from all the grad schools she applied to, who had no other 'life plan' to fall back on).
i sort of feel like you do, motion. i'm in the same boat: i graduate in dec and have a job at a newspaper, not making much money but making just enough to surivive on my own. and at the same time i feel like i'm in limbo. i really want to go to grad school, but my bf is here in his full time job and i really think he is the one. i guess everyone says that about their college boyfriend but i really feel that way.
i think that its almost scarier to be in a relationship at this time because life is actually starting. i have a full time job, so does he, the possibility of starting a life together and living like an adult is right there. no tramping off to europe because i don't have enough vacation time (or money to afford it)and no moving across the country just yet. i know the prospect of starting out as single is scary but at the same time, you don't have to worry about maintaining a relationship and you're really not tied down at all.
quote:Originally posted by linzy383: ]i think that its almost scarier to be in a relationship at this time because life is actually starting. i have a full time job, so does he, the possibility of starting a life together and living like an adult is right there. no tramping off to europe because i don't have enough vacation time (or money to afford it)and no moving across the country just yet. i know the prospect of starting out as single is scary but at the same time, you don't have to worry about maintaining a relationship and you're really not tied down at all.
Amen. I think the guy I'm with is the one. I feel like I've gone through enough rotten apples to finally find the good one and now I don't want to lose him. He's tied to our location- job, second degree, etc so relocating is not an option. I don't feel tied down, but I don't feel as free as a bird which makes me a little nervous.
i think that its almost scarier to be in a relationship at this time because life is actually starting. i have a full time job, so does he, the possibility of starting a life together and living like an adult is right there. no tramping off to europe because i don't have enough vacation time (or money to afford it)and no moving across the country just yet. i know the prospect of starting out as single is scary but at the same time, you don't have to worry about maintaining a relationship and you're really not tied down at all.[/QUOTE]
Just for the record, being in a relationship in no way means that you are "starting your life". I have a feeling that's not what you necesarily meant, but I think that's just ONE aspect of (one opinion) of what adult life is about/can be about. Being single is not a period of time spent "waiting" for your life to begin. The factors you listed as to why you couldn't take off to europe are really more to do with job/money related and that's not really about being single/attached.
/rant on behalf of single ppl everywhere As you can see in this thread, a lot of these issues are faced by people who are married, single, living with partners etc. It doesn't necessarily make a difference.
I feel I have to add that part of my quarter-life crisis is feeling like I'm a freak for wanting something beyond a relationship. This only evolved in the first place because I spent many unhappy years in my late teens and early twenties thinking I'd never make it through life alone. I was dating men that were seriously not even worth my time of day, and my self esteem was so low that I believed I was barely even worthy of that!
While I'm still 'in crisis' now, I feel that I've developed better coping strategies and while some days I feel pretty blue about not having anyone I can rely on - I'm a lot happier where I am. I'm just thankful that unlike my mother and grandmother's generation(s), my choices aren't just limited to marriage and children or spinsterhood.
posted
I thought I was having a quarter-life crisis, but I'm kind of figuring out I'm not. I guess I thought that at some point, everything was all figured out. Somehow I realized that no one really has it all figured out, and that I wouldn't really want it to be that way anyway.
quote:Originally posted by cashew: [QUOTE]Originally posted by linzy383:
Just for the record, being in a relationship in no way means that you are "starting your life". I have a feeling that's not what you necesarily meant, but I think that's just ONE aspect of (one opinion) of what adult life is about/can be about. Being single is not a period of time spent "waiting" for your life to begin. The factors you listed as to why you couldn't take off to europe are really more to do with job/money related and that's not really about being single/attached.
no i didn't mean it like that at all. my parents didn't marry until they were 27, and they had known each other since high school. i always thought i'd be single until at least 25. its just that this whole "relationship so serious it will probably lead to marriage" has surprised me at 22. i was always the girl without the bf, not the only one with one while all my friends are breaking up with their long term guys.
my little kitty is the other reason for no europe. she'd be so lonely! haha. i have friends in romania and once i can come up credit card debt free then thats when i'll start saving. a girl's gotta take care of her finances!
posted
squirrel, that's exactly what I was trying to say. Just because I've found the man I want to marry doesn't mean that all the problems go away; there are new and different ones now, and there always will be.
posted
i agree with whomever stated that each time of life has a "crisis", be it childrearing, empty nest, an unexpected layoff. i think, though, that what is frustrating with the mid-twenties is that there's been handholding all along and then the bottom drops out. i'm not necessarily saying that this has happened to me, as i've been fairly independent since 18. however, i see many people around me whose parents have coddled them all along and now they are expected to assume major responsibilities, as well as answer to everyone about how/where their life is heading. it seems unfair, but then again, life is unfair.
i think that that's kind of what this comes down to sometimes. we've been raised to believe we can "have it all" or have THE fulfilling job immediately after graduation or have 3 vacation homes if we work hard enough/make "the right" choices. but life isn't like that, as it sounds like we've all determined. i don't want to sound like i'm blaming our parents' generation for this. i'm just saying that i feel there's been an unrealistic portrayal of how shitty life can be sometimes. i know my parents tried to shield me from "bad" things; however, that didn't necessarily equip me with real life skills. they realized this and stopped shielding me from everything, taking into account what was/was not appropriate depending on the age.
i work in a university setting and i cannot tell you how often i deal with "hovering" parents; i'm not talking parents who are simply loving and concerned, i'm talking parents who register their students for classes, demand explanations for grades from faculty, etc. how are these students to assume responsibility for their post-graduation life if their parents are deciding their major? that's a bit of a digression, but i think what's at the heart of the "quarterlife" crisis is the feeling that the rug has been pulled out from under our generation's feet. no bloody wonder.
i heartily agree with whomever said that being single shouldn't be considered the time "before" one's life begins. it saddens me when i encounter anyone who implies that my life has yet to begin because i'm not in a relationship. i remind them that my relationship is with my masters program:) and it AMAZES me how many of the people who take the "single=not started on life" attitude are MY age. from my parents' friends, i can understand. but from old college friends and the like? wow. i had one (now former) quasi-friend get angry with me because i turned down her offer to be in her wedding because i will likely be out of the country doing research. my research, she said, was not as important as her wedding. that was the end of that.
the other thing is the issue of choice. there is definitely the sense that one needs to make the "right" choice or the good life will pass right by. that if one is unhappy, it is his/her fault because the "right" choice was not made. i read "the paradox of cho!ce" this summer and it made me think a great deal about the pressure i put on myself and that society puts on me to make the "right" choice. while it's not the most earth-shattering book, i recommend it simply because it made me feel better:)
sorry to be locquacious. can you tell this has been bubbling for awhile?
posted
While I agree that a relationship by no means equates starting life, I feel that in my life it's necessary to have a good support system be it my family, friends, or boyfriend. Like Linzy, I was always the girl without a serious boyfriend. I dated a lot and went in and out of 2 month relationships. Obviously, it wasn't stable. But now I have found the man that honestly, as cliched as it sounds, completes me. He is everything I'm not, makes me feel like I can fly, and such a wonderful person inside and out. However, it further pushes me into my quarter-life crisis. Is this the last man I'll ever be with it? Is it possible that yes, I found The One? Am I making the right decisions with him? That's what I meant by my entry.
I'd like to say though that today I met a woman who sky-rocketed my self-esteem and gave me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was offered a job that is good but I'm not really interested in but had one more interview left. I went today and this woman was incredibly wonderful. Maybe it was just her personality, but she made me feel like I could conquer the whole company. I'm excited and even if this company doesn't pan out, I feel like all these days of staring at job search engines finally paid off.
posted
I didn't even know this time in one's life had a name-well for me at least it's more perspective...I have been going through this and I haven't been able to deal with it...more importantly the people around me don't know how to deal with it either. I have been beating myself up with these same question, and this overwhelming anxiety has come over me while I try and figure out the solution to my confusion. I have, for the most part, tried to be a positive energy and have succeeded in doing so until now. I mean I have such a hard time dealing with it that I want everyone to go on with their lives so I can stay where I am, until I figure the thing out. So much so that I think I've driven my boy out, so now the other burning question..is he going to stay? For how long? What does he want? What is the breaking point? Is this temporary? In the back of my mind I believe I truly know these answers, but why can't it just be clear? I just want it to end, it's like going through puberty again-except you have what you learned from that experience. I know things will get better, I just want things already be better! I guess we'll have to wait and see..
Edited to add: Perhaps I should've been clearer, I don't know what to do about my entire life, career, school etc. But the questions that are currently "burning" within are is the boy going to even be part of it? I truly believe I'll somehaow accomplish all I want to accomplish, I just don't know how to begin, and where to begin...
posted
I'm in a relationship, and it's a pretty fulfilling one, but I don't consider it my door into adulthood, nor does my relationship with Miriboy mark the start of my life as an adult. When I was a lot younger, I watched my mother's younger sister go through an abusive relationship and stay with her @$$hat husband because she was afraid of being alone for the rest of her life. I determined then, from her example, that I would far rather be single and happy than in a relationship that made me miserable. It's easy for me to say, because I'm NOT in an abusive relationship, but I'd like to think that if Miriboy ever raised a hand to me (not gonna happen, but IF) I would be out the door that instant. It hasn't happened and I've never been in that position, but my aunt's example -- she died young, from cancer, and her @$$hat husband brought his new girlfriend to the funeral -- gave me a lot to think about.
However, it's important to realise that for SOME people, marriage and motherhood ARE what drives them. I had a friend from high school whose only goal in life was to be married and a mother, not because she thought that was the only option available to her, but because it was WHAT SHE WANTED. She is now married, and a mother, but I'm not sure she would consider herself any more fulfilled now than she was BEFORE her marriage and the birth of her daughter. I think now that she's achieved those goals, she's moved on to thinking "Okay, what ELSE do I want?"
I left university because it wasn't giving me what I wanted (whatever that was ), and I've been working since I was fourteen and living on my own since I was eighteen. Now, the job I have, a job I really enjoy, ends tomorrow (it's a temp position and my contract has been extended multiple times, but now it's done).
I don't feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis, but I DO feel like my life is in a holding pattern until I find a permanent job. Somehow, I've got it into my head that UNTIL I get this job, I can't move on to the next steps of my life, and to a certain extent, this is true. Until I have a permanent job, Miriboy and I can't afford a house. We can't afford a wedding. We can't afford children. Heck, I can't even afford a dentist or an optometrist, two things I rather desperately need right now. I know I WANT a house, a wedding and children ... Eventually. So why do I feel like I NEED them now?
I suppose in part it's because my parents were married, with two children and a house, by the time they were my age. Now, THEY'RE not putting any pressure on me to have these things; in fact, they're happy with my life the way it is, although like me, they wish I had a permanent job. Other people, though, are starting to make me feel the pressure. A lot of our friends are married; one couple just announced they're pregnant (they've been TTC for two years, so of course I'm thrilled for them); several of our married friends own their own houses; almost all of them are in permanent, well-paying jobs with good benefits. We still do geeky, "immature" things like stay up late playing video games or wait in line for hours to see the LOTR movies, but we're very definitely adults.
I'm not sure what point I'm trying to get across here. I'm at work and I'm rambling; I'm interrupted a lot because I'm doing, you know, actual WORK things. That being said, I think I'm tired of feeling like my life isn't going according to some set schedule. I'm not the one who made up this schedule for my life, so why do I feel like I need to stick to it? And just who, exactly, DID make up this schedule for me? Society? My peer group? When did I become so concerned with these things, and why do I still care about them, despite trying to convince myself that I don't?
posted
I don't know whether I should post this, but I'm definitely one of those people like Mirinae was talking about. All I ever wanted from life was to be married and have children. Even while I was dating Al, I just always felt like I was waiting for something. Everybody always asked me if married life felt different, and I said no - I'd been living with him for almost 2 years by then, and really nothing changed - but I realized a little while ago that something did - I relaxed. I finally feel like I've "accomplished" my goals and have chilled a lot more on the whole baby-making thing.
I'm not sure if this fits in with the thread, because other than worry about getting married, I don't think I've ever had a quarter-life crisis. Maybe it's different because I'm not interested in a career/grad school/etc. So I hope no one takes offense to my posting this here.
Edited to add: Okay, that made it sound like I married Al to accomplish some "goal". That's not it. I married him because I love him. I'm digging myself a hole here....
posted
dewgirl, you sound like my two bestest friends. and it cracks me up when i hear them say "all i ever wanted from life was to be married and have children" cause, um, that's A LOT. you say that you're not interested in having a career, etc. but being married/being a good parent is a career in it of itself. so it's understandable that your crisis was about these choices. and i'm glad that you've been able to relax since you've married. yay!
posted
hehe, BMS. Oh, I know! I just meant more along the lines that I never changed my mind about it - it's the only thing I ever wanted, rather than some people who decide when they have children or whatever that they want to stay home (which I think is great. Damnit, why can't I write anything today without making it sound vaguely insulting!)
posted
it's cool, i know you're not insulting anyone. i just wish everyone could be as careful with their words (that includes smug marrieds/smug living togethers/smug singles alike.) /hijack.
posted
I'm like that- I really want to be married and raise children. Not right now, mind you. At 23, I personally still have a lot of growing up to do. But no, I do not have any interest in having the average person's idea of a career. I'm not driven that way. I'm driven to volunteer- which I do- and write- which I'm working on. I have my list of things I want to do in life...
I'm glad Dewgirl finally admitted what I was thinking. I'm a smart girl, I went to school, and my quarter-life crisis has to do with figuring out how to get into the settling down mode and whether or not it's the right time for me.
But it all bubbles out to the same thing- choices. I think everyone is afraid if they're making the right choices.
quote:Originally posted by scorchedalmond: "a term, coined circa November 1998 in Toronto, applied to the period of life immediately following adolescence, usually beginning around college graduation"
posted
I really don't know anyone who is not struggling with their identity and choices of their twenties now, whether they chose to travel the world, or settle down and have kids right away. I read a quote recently that I found helpful, and I have no idea who wrote it. "It's not to find yourself, it's to create yourself"
Is anyone familiar with the idea of the Saturn Return? It sounds to me kind of like the astrological quarter life crisis.
posted
Discodetective- I like the quote. I think that people should adopt that way of thinking more often. Such as instead of "I'm taking some time off to find myself," say "I'm taking some time off to create/develop myself." Not only does it sound better, it invokes a better, more positive image.
I feel like I'm "creating" myself everyday. However, I can't help to mentally create a list of things I think I should be doing, and checking them off. Get a professional job- check. Maintain a relationship with good man- check. Get married- not yet. Have babies- not yet.
Honestly, I think it's all a bunch of bullshit influenced by society and religion. I also think a big problem happens when people rely on what they think they should do, do it, and then realize they aren't happy with their decisions b/c they weren't really their decisions. However, I still have this mental list.
In fact, I start my first day of work Monday morning (wait, it is Monday morning and I'm still up) and I feel a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders b/c I earned myself a check.
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It occurs to me that all my freaking out about school, and forms to fill out, and pictures to send in, and guys dumping me, and exes still being in the picture, and moving, and friendships, and the future, and financial aid, and loans, and friends' weddings, and exes' girlfriends, and ALL of that are basically manifestations of a quarter-life crisis. Not. Fun.
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I think I'm in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. I'm 22 and am so wishy-washy about my future. One minute I'm gung-ho about moving some place new and unexpected, and the next I just want to move home. I have no clue about who I am or what I want to do, all I know is I want to be rich and happy. HAH! I wish I could just have the answer!
I didn't think it was bothering me, being in my "late" 20's... but maybe it is. I've just been thinking alot lately about where I am in life, and how I got here, and who is with me... and I guess I feel pretty alone and confused. I mean, I have a wonderful husband and happy homelife, but I only have a couple people who I consider to be friends, and even with them, I feel like I have to censor myself around them or I'll lose them. I don't have anyone around who's known me for a long time... if that makes any sense. I've also been feeling down because I feel like (and I know this sounds CRAZY)... I feel that everyone likes my husband more than me. Like, he's the funny, witty, charming one who everyone likes and flocks to, and I'm just THERE. I don't feel like anyone knows or cares to know me anymore and i'm just kinda blah.
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As you can see in this thread, a lot of these issues are faced by people who are married, single, living with partners etc. It doesn't necessarily make a difference.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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), and I've been working since I was fourteen and living on my own since I was eighteen. Now, the job I have, a job I really enjoy, ends tomorrow (it's a temp position and my contract has been extended multiple times, but now it's done).
